VACANCY

A reputed Landlocked Himalayan Kingdom with a land area of 56,000 sq miles is seeking a motivated Chief Sub-contractor to take over the country under a Build Operate Transfer Scheme.

Candidate should have at least ten years experience in a senior executive position governing a city-state in southeast Asia that has banned chewing gum. Applicants answering to the name Lee Kuan Yew (or words to that effect) will be given special preference. Must have experience in flogging the buttocks of corrupt officials by inflicting at least 35 lashes with a wet rattan cane?on each cheek. Since we received only one application for the post in response to a similar ad in this paper last week from someone named Baby Doc (disqualified for not giving his real name) we are asking anyone who feels even remotely interested in taking up this challenging make-or-break post to apply. Please, please, please, please. Should be fluent in English, French, German, Dutch, Italian, Spanish, Esperanto and also be a celebrated rocket scientist, a brain surgeon of international repute, and should hold a PhD in Medical Anthropology and/or Particle Physics. Ability to speak Nepali will be an added advantage. Candidate must be over 70 years of age, but exceptions can be made for those older than 80 if uniquely qualified. Although women are encouraged to apply, they will do so at their own peril.

Salary: Negotiable. Perks, benefits and side incomes as per standard operating procedure.

Walk-in interview. Come with CV and notarised astrological certification to Singha Durbar West Gate by Friday afternoon.

CONGRATULATIONS

Heartfelt felicitation and cordial congratulation to Ghanashyam for his grand success in being awarded a Canadian tourist visa on his fourth try. We wish you all the best in your later life.Hope you never come back! Your loving family,Pappu, Mammu, sister Chandikumari and brother Rame.

CAR FOR SALE

A 1996 Mitsubishi Pajero in top condition belonging to an ex-MP is for sale in as-what-is condition to raise money for political horse-trading. Duty not paid, and has failed three successive emission tests. Vehicle can be inspected in the parliament car park and towed away by the highest bidder.



JET WANTED

Royal Nepal Airlines is floating another global tender for the moist lease of a jet in the colours of an obscure European airline to augment its rapidly-expanding collection of second-hand aircraft from international suppliers. Tender for each aircraft should be received by the undersigned by Saturday afternoon with separate earnest money in a sealed envelope. The envelopes shall be opened next week in secret at an undisclosed location. The bidder whose earnest money is found to be highest shall be awarded the contract immaterial of the actual tender amount pledged. No questions should be asked, and none will be entertained. Jet in question will get indefinite free parking at Kathmandu airport, and will not actually have to fly anywhere since there are no passengers to fly.



HATS WANTED

Nepal Hat House is looking for exotic new hats for supply to an eccentric new client with hat fetish who is fast running out of supplies. Interested parties should apply in person with sample headgears in triplicate