Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
Look at the brighter side of loadshedding

KUNDA DIXIT


To tell you frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of listening to some of you who have insisted on criticising at every possible wedding reception in the past week the current loadshedding regime.

Thankfully, people like you are in a minority and an overwhelming number of Nepalis are happy to have become creatures of darkness. We hole-heartedly welcome loadshedding because we see its brighter side. You may well ask, so what are the positive aspects of power cuts? Whoa, not so fast, can't you see I'm thinking?

As I was saying, all you need is a positive mental attitude to take advantage of our return to the pre-industrial age. In fact I would go as far as to venture that cutting off power to the people for 35 hours a week is the single most outstanding achievement of the post-Royal Takeover dispensation and we should all be singing hosannas (if we aren't already) in praise of he who made this possible.

There is even more delightful news that the people may have to do with even less power than they have at present which can only mean that, god willing, the little power there is will be concentrated in fewer and fewer hands. But, as the adage goes, let's not get too excited about that and start counting our chickens before they die of a mysterious flu-like epidemic.

So, thank you for waiting. As promised, and totally off the top of my head, here are some reasons why loadshedding is good for our country:

. Current loadshedding timetables are very complicated and one needs a PhD in Plasma Physics to figure them out. With the layman in mind, future schedules will be much simpler: 'Power supply every alternate day for 15 minutes.'

. Nepalis will be watching less television. This means that instead of engaging in our national pastime of fondling the remote, we will be indulging in a new national pastime of playing interactive games with each other in the dark. As a result, the country will see a new baby boom and a demographic bulge to quadruple the nation's GDP by 2025.

. Nepal Tourism Board will use the Berlin Travel Mart this week to unveil its new promotional campaign under the slogans: 'Once Is Not Enough, Take Another Trip to the Dark Ages' and 'Visit Nepal-The Heart of Darkness'.

. Nightvision goggles will no longer be a restricted military item but an essential consumer electronic gadget for everyday home use. This will facilitate finding one's way from the bedroom to the bathroom and taking accurate aim in the general direction of the waterloo (Important Reminder for Male Nightvision Customers: As a Courtesy To Fellow Passengers Please Don't Forget to Lift the Seat.) Kids can catch up with their homework using nightvision equipment and one can go bar-hopping in Thamel again without the threat of inadvertently finding oneself neck-deep in an open manhole.

. Loadshedding means less time wasted aimlessly surfing the net. The time saved can be employed in taking long walks with kith and kin and ensure strong family bonding. My particular favourite is to stroll along the Bagmati Promenade and inhale the full aroma of our very own Sewage Canal.

. The proposed 32-storey skyscraper coming up in Jawalakhel will be a symbol of national pride since it will be the tallest erection in South Asia when it is completed by 2015. But since projections show loadshedding will still in force then, it will enter the Guiness Book as the tallest building in the world without a functioning lift.



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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