Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Let’s kick ass

ASS


Ever wondered why tourists are no longer being harassed as they emerge from the departure lounge at the airport? No more taxiwallas trying to shanghai you off as soon as you fly in from Guangzhou, no touts and sadhus waiting to welcome you to Intoxicating Nepal. Just young men in red caps helping you with the luggage cart.

What's happening? Well, it looks like ex-gorillas of the Young Communist League have taken over the airport. The Maobuddies set up the YCL as a clever way to keep their real warriors out of cantonments and out of mischief. Besides the airport, they have been deployed to sweep sidewalks, forcibly widen the Martyr's Boulevard between Kalanki and Solti Mode and crack down on crime.

Just as it is getting difficult to tell a khaobadi from a maobadi the YCL has taken over the floor of a factory in Balaju, that had to close down because it couldn't afford Revolutionary Tax, to set up a special Narcotics Control Unit. Already we see Maobaddy Special Agents in red bibs patrolling the outskirts of Thamel to nab anyone they believe is a pusher or pushee.

Some have likened this to the fox guarding the chicken coop, which is an exaggeration. It is actually like the donkey carrying out load-shedding in its own shed. Which is why it looks like the Red Bibs are now giving their Chief Comrade a huge headache he doesn't need. Maoist extraction is nothing new, it has been going on underground for the past ten years. And after the ceasefire tax collection just became more open and house-to-house tax collection. The pressure was building up but when microbus drivers protesting YCL high-handedness were seriously slashed with khukuris last month it raised questions about whether Nepal's knational knife should also have been confined into UN containers.

The hotelier getting beaten up because he didn't cough up two karode was just the last straw. It wasn't supposed to be like this, the comrades were supposed to make a smooth transition from an underground militancy to above ground politics.

.....

As astute readers will have gleaned, the Ass always had misgivings about the Maoist safe-landing mainly because of the portraits on the podium one sees at their bashes. The buddies painted the Khula Munch red for their big meeting last week, but they still had portraits of hirsute European philosophers gazing down at us. We didn't really mind Marx and Engels, not even Lenin. But Stalin? What special charm does Uncle Joe have in New Nepal's Gangster Capitalism?

.....

So the donors are falling over each other to pour money into Nepal. The Japanese have been specially generous, the Danes have handed over a blank cheque and the Norwegians gave two million dollars and promised more goodies. The UN is setting up a special humanitarian peace fund. The Indians have clarified that, contrary to media reports, their aid to Nepal has actually gone up. The Americans also say they haven't cut aid. In fact, the Ass calculates that there has been a 200 percent increase in US spending in Nepal if one calculates the new $90 million embassy in Maharajganj and the multi-million dollar refurbishment of Phora. High spending demands high security, and tourists have recently been arrested taking photographs outside this newest installation. But, methinks the Americans could have channeled some of those funds to build a more permanent structure for the DV-Pidits camped out in the sidewalk in Panitanki.

.....

Looks like its time for all Nepalis to start kicking Ass. If the Chhetris conducted their first National Covention in Surkhet last week demanding proportional representation, can the Bahun Mukti Morcha and the Movement for the Autonomy of Aristocrats be far behind.

ass@nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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