Get on with it, Tonga- Nepali Times

Don't believe for a moment that a consensus government is not possible. After all, there are districts where the Kangresis, Baddies, Eh-maleys and Madhesis are all working together in total harmony. In Biratnagar, the YCL, YF and Tarai militants all work together in extortion and protection rackets and divide up the spoils. Why can't this be replicated in the national govt?

The prime minister's decision to induct a Made in Nepal jeep as his official bahn has put other ministers, former prime ministers, and bureau-cats under the scanner. Ministers for whom carnapping SUVs has been SOP are in the horns of a dilemma. The list of ex-prime ministers and ministers who have purloined NEA vehicles after they left office is so long that you begin to understand why the state electricity utility is running up a loss of 30 billion rupees. SBD gave himself a Pajero when he stepped down in 2004, which is fitting because he was the guy who used to distribute Pajeros to buy off MPs in the 1990s. But not only did he never return that car he got his wife one too in a take-one-and-get-another-one-free deal. Not to be outdone, Great Leader Chairman Awesome also took home his official Landcruiser, and then when it got too embarrassing had the Makunay Sarkar buy it for him for two karods. JNK got so attached to the 4WD he appropriated from the Chamelia Hydroelectric Project that he rode while in office and has decided to keep. NEA says there are now more than 70 Prados, Nissan Trails, Pajeros in the custody of former govt officials. Other offenders include successive home ministers, including Bhim Royal, Leftist God Bum Dev, Comrade KP and even minister-at-large-without- portfolio-whichever-govt-is-in-power, Amresh Bhaiya.

After Gokarna Bista went home in a cab and Babuji started going around in a Mustang, there is strong moral pressure on some ministerial aspirants wanting govt posts. After all, they agreed to back the Com Laldhoj for the perks of office. "If there is no Prado, what's the point? I'd rather ride a mule," Com Deb is said to have muttered as he withdrew from the race to be finance minister. Comrades in the Tamalopa have also decided that if they have to go around in a Mustang, they'd rather stay out of govt for now. Just to reduce the attraction of being in the cabinet and to make it easier for himself to cobble together a smaller cabinet, BRB should announce the following official vehicles for new ministers:

Hridesh Tripathi: Bullock Cart
Rajendra Mahato: Buffalo Cart
Upadro Yadav: Donkey Cart
Jayaprakash Prasad Gupta: Tanga
Narayan Kaji Shrestha: Rickshaw
CP Gajurel: Raleigh Bicycle
Post Budder Bogati: Safa Tempo
Horrible Gajurel: Bullet

***

It is becoming clearer by the day why the Madhesis and the Dhobighaut Cluster decided to back the govt. The main bone of contention is not really about portfolios, it's more about who gets to be Deputy Prime Minister. For example, CP doesn't want JP to be a more senior deputy prime minister than him, Kaji Naran Kamred doesn't want to be junior to Hridesh, and none of the above want Upadro Comrade in. There are so many aspirants for the post that it looks set to be a cabinet with more deputy prime ministers than ministers. To break the deadlock, the Ass would like to make a humble suggestion, designate different categories of deputy prime ministers:

� Deputy Prime Minister-in-Chief
� Assistant Chief Deputy Prime Minister
� Associate Deputy Prime Minister
� Senior Assistant Deputy Prime Minister
� Joint Deputy Prime Minister
� Senior Assistant Joint Deputy Chief Prime Minister

This way everyone gets a share of the pie.

***

The mule's mole in the PMO says so far Dr Battery has received congratulatory emails with docx attachments from India, US, China, Japan and France (in that order). What's keeping the rest? Nepal has diplo relations with 178 countries in the world, and there are still 173 countries that haven't yet bothered to felicitate our new doctor prime minister. Get on with it, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, and St Kitts and Nevis.

***

The government has banned all official cocktail and cutlet parties in five-star hotels with immediate effect. Guess official functions with booze will now have to be held in four-star hotels.

1. chanakya
Dear author you forget to write for PKD , may be capsule for him best match.

Posted on: 04 SEPT 2011 | 2:55 PM NST

2. Pramod Bhagat
I have always appreciated the Ass for his satires and criticism. In all the editions so far I have never found as racist. But in this article the way he a addressed Amresh Singh is out and out racist and derogatory. I hope Ass gets my point why I have raised this issue. We all know the language of Kathmanduites, so any justification in this issue doesn't and won't work. So my humble request to correct it, atleast in online edition.

Posted on: 05 SEPT 2011 | 5:24 PM NST

3. jange
Our DEAR LEADER the PM has received great praise for riding a mustang.

Will the next PM receive even greater praise if he decides to ride a donkey?

Or will he only be praised if he decides to ride an ASS.

Posted on: 06 SEPT 2011 | 8:40 AM NST

4. B2B
Tongawala appears to be carrying all tragedy of the world on his shoulders as if it gets deep under his skin.

The more I see him the more I realize there is more to the story.

But it is no stretch for me to proclaim that the Nepalese hoi polloi deserve a far better lot than that of a poor, skinny and shaggy-haired donkey, if I extrapolate a wee bit, dragging an out of use carriage full of shattered souvenirs of the bygone days, nonetheless, waving a red rag of Nepalese flag showing off that, 'He also lives who only stands and waits'.

If you are in the dumps or feeling the blues for the sake of the country being antsy, stay on the fringes don't disappear. You ain't alone to bear the full brunt of the bad jinx of the moment.

Ergo, a little nothing can also heal the wound and help take a turn for the better.

Posted on: 06 SEPT 2011 | 3:19 PM NST

5. DG
I would like to see the PM's Mustang very soon passing through the Maitighar- Bhadrakali Road Block still enforced by the Nepal Army even after the Key deposited by the PLA.

Posted on: 06 SEPT 2011 | 6:36 PM NST

6. Gheo Chaku Naran.
Deputy Cheep Minister.
Deputy Chip Minister
'followed by

The Chief Minister of Nepal.
It is real politics.

Posted on: 08 SEPT 2011 | 7:57 AM NST

7. GKN
Oh I forget to translate.
Not Chief Minister better Mukh Mantri. ---apology to Lalu Yadhav.

Posted on: 08 SEPT 2011 | 8:04 AM NST