Nepali Times
Asian Asstrologers' Convention


Nepal's not a failed state, it's the world's most fatalistic state. Why else would Kathmandu be chosen to host the Asian Astrologer's Convention in June? If you are planning to get married, launch a new education consultancy, or stage a coup d'etat then it would be wise to time it for the dates that Asian astrologers will be here. You can be sure the soothsayers have ensured that it's an extremely auspicious day during which there will be no bunds, no chukka jams, no afternoon hurricane and all present and future enemies will be vanquished. Asstrologers from Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Japan, Malaysia, Burma and Sri Lanka will be attending, although strangely absent are the DPRK. Our country's foremost jyotisis will host the conf. But Nepal's comrades have a lot to learn from other countries, for example numerologists in Burma determined that the most auspicious day to crack down on pro-democracy demonstrators in Rangoon was on 8 August 1988, the infamous 8-8-88.


All the gossip this week concerns the army. Was this move prompted by the COAS politely declining PKD's offer of ambassadorship because he already has lucrative UN appointments lined up in Baghdad or Kabul? Is his vociferous opposition to integration becoming an irritant to neighbours who want UNMIN outahere? Whatever the case, Badal and his Baddies thought they had the timing right to sack the Chief because the Indians are distracted by elections and JNK was on a China junket. What they didn't bargain for was the complete rejection by the Indian security establishment of any meddling with the Nepal army and the fact that the Indian army chief is Gen Cutwall's buddy from the academy. And the Indian elections had something to do with it because Indian Baddies went on an offensive in Jharkhand, reminding Delhi there is no way they'll tolerate Nepali Maoists calling the shots in the army. It was serious enough for Ms Patil to have a prez-to-prez chat on Wednesday with our very own Ram Baran guru.


Even generals not particularly fond of Gen Cutwall have rallied behind the chief, and now back Gen Chatra Man. And in this entire sordid episode the guy who's come out as #1 Opportunist is Cool Jarsap who has been cosying up to the comrades in conduct unbecoming of an officer and a gentleman. Nauseating, seeing the general behaving like a party apartchik on chakari mode. The comreds have now succeeded in doing to the army what the kangresis and eh-malays did to the police. Earlier, ambitious generals knocked at the doors of royal relatives to get a proper hearing. These days they route their complaints through Baddie ministers, high-profile conflict beeds and friendly dips.


The only saving grace is that there is someone even less kewl than Gen Cool: Bum Deb. The fellow lost the election, and has been the most spectacular failure in his inability to control the deteriorating law and order situation, but he has managed to wiggle his way to become the seniormost Eh-malay in the government. He gave the nod to PKD sending the spastikarran letter without even consulting his party and conveniently when his party boss was away. His action has led the UML now to the verge of collapse. Wait a minute is that what the Maoists are really trying to do by taking on the army? There are now enough grounds to believe that by making Leftist God their home minister, the Maaobadddies were using him as a fifth column. He'd conveniently stay at home when the time came for them to take over the state.


Comrade Baidya has more faith in private entreprise than in institutions of the government, it seems. The ideologue chose a private nursing for treatment while President Ram Baran Yadav had himself operated upon at the much-maligned Bir Hospital sometime back.


These figures just came in: the total number of bund days in 2065: 768. Total number of highway blockades last year: 1,211.




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(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)