Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
The bottom line

ASS


Only in Nepal would a senior govt official get away with what the Energetic Minister proudly announced last week: "The bottom line is that we will only have 14 hours of load-shedding this winter." And we are supposed to hug and kiss Comrade First-Past-the-Post for that? Bottom line, my ass. The donkey can easily see the Under-supply Minister now making a similar statement about the gas shortage: "LPG will be in short supply only till 2014." Or the Prime Minister saying: "Since it now looks like the new constitution is going to be much worse than the one we already have, we have decided to just keep the interim constitution and get it over with." May not be such a bad idea, after all.

The State Deconstruction Committee has decided to break Nepal up into 11 provinces, not counting a 'non-territorial Dalit province'. If we are going to be demarcating extra-terrestrial provinces like the proposed Dalitstan, why not address the concerns of other marginalised communities and also declare virtual states for them:

a) Women's Province (also
known as "Stristan")
b) Squatters' Autonomous Region
c) Non-Territorial Special Third
Gender Zone
d) Apanga Pradesh
e) NRN Prefecture

Predictably, the SRC split into the State Restructuring Commission (Revolutionary) and the State Restructuring Commission (Democratic) and the only future course is to reconstitute a new Commission for the Restructuring of the State Reconstruction Commission (CR-SRC). In a similar vein, since Comrade Ferocious has decided to bunk all meetings of the Dispute Resolution Committee that he heads, maybe he needs to set up a Task Force to Resolve Disputes Within the Dispute Resolution Committee (TFRD-DRC). And serious attention needs to be paid to the delays in implementing the 45-day Constitution Timetable that BRB had set out when he took office. The only way out now is to agree on a timetable to sit down so they can draw up a new timetable to adjust the old timetable.

Meanwhile, the gruntled faction within the dis-gruntled faction of the original rump of the Sad Bhavana Party has decided to split into three new splinter groups. One of these is the faction led by Minister of Re-education Rajinder ("Rs 6,000 per Journalist") Mahato who recently declared that he would blockade Kathmandu.

Amidst all the doom and gloom sometimes you see a headline that is like a cloud with the silver lining. The news that the Nobel Peace Prize Committee is to be investigated for corruption was one such feel-good piece. Nepalis have no reason to be ashamed of the most corrupt govt in our history when, it seems, even the Nobel Committee is on the take. Which means that in hindsight, it was unfair to ridicule Girija Prasad Koirala and Pushpa Kamal Dahal's chances of jointly getting the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize. They may actually have had a stab at it if we had only got our act together to send an emissary to Oslo bearing gifts.

The other feel-good story this week is that the United Kingdom is on the verge of ethnic disintegration with Scotland about to break away. So, it's not just us. And, this one was the best: Belgium was shut down again on 30 January because of a bandh. So, does that mean the Belgians are not going to get US visas, too?

In the old monarchy days, the king and the clown prince never travelled together in the same plane or car. But there seems to be no such rule for the Maoist holy trinity of BRB, PKD and MBK who last week commandeered the ex-royal Super Puma to make an aerial inspection of the new Fast Track Highway. Although they shook hands when they first met up at the helipad, the mule's mole noticed the three studiously avoided each other and there was a stony silence throughout the trip.

There is some serious miscommunication in the Balu Water communication unit. The PM's press adviser apparently didn't know the PM had invited a bunch of journalists for a tete-e-tete the other day. The invites went from another adviser via Facebook. BRB's well-wishers in the party have also told him point blank that his biggest liability is Comrade First Lady.

Headline of the week (with the Ass' aside):

Govt To Segregate Garbage (Wonder Who They Will Put Where)



1. pushpa
liked it.......


2. Gole
The State Deconstruction Committee.
New Nepal or' Rebuilding Nepal' is the question.
Nepal is just like air or water.
It has a history of thousands of year.
It has contributed to enrich world civilization in the past.
It can only be reconstructed where its parts have been in the state of collapse or weak. New Nepal is a fallacy.
But we are helpless against the whirlwind of the day;so a New Nepal.
But why not a new name too.
So I take the liberty on their demand ( to appease them, the aweful and the powerfools !); a brand new name for  the BIG Brother's land.
Happy Free State of the Newts.
All the elder -lies will be rehabilitated in Jai Mahakali Free Boarding House hence forward.





3. Danny
Comrade First Lady.
That,s why the Lady is a Tramp.
She gets to hungry ,for dinner at eight,
.
 She goes to theater , but never comes late,
.
She never bothers with people she hates.
 Thats why , the Lady is a tramp.


4. Rajaram
Rascals in Paradise.
 Some thing is rotten in the state of Nepal.


5. DG
Nobel Prize Corruption.
 Read the book called :
"The Prize".-by Irving Wallace. .
How The Prize is manipulated., an old classic , if I remember correctly.


6. Ghoe Chaku Naran
The police should be given the customary balloon  for the blow up test.
But we are most progressive country in the region,as we have surpassed the others in the recognition of the third gender. We are gender - conscious state. Good you have proposed a state for them as well. Welldone Ass.
Now give the policemen or police women   condoms  as they are free, feringhee- aids, ( donated by the foreign donors.) Give them a coat of liquid crystal so that they change color depending on the intensity of liquors consumed., as they do the blow job in the dark of the night.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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