Our not-for-much-longer Prime Minister showed he has his priorities right by laying the foundation stone for a new 100-metre-high Republic Tower in Kirtipur. Cynics and naysayers have poked fun at this new erection, saying it looks like a cross between a minaret and an ICBM. But when the country suffers from a serious lack of self-esteem, we can do with a phallic symbol of territorial integrity and national virility. The tower has other uses such as:
• Serve as a giant lightning rod to protect the whole Valley from thunderbolts
• Fool American spy satellites into thinking Nepal has developed nuclear missiles and convince them to donate more food to us
• Put Nepal on the world map for the world's ugliest leaning tower to bungee jump from
• Serve as a Folly even follier than Bhimsen's Folly
• As the only manmade object in Nepal visible from outer space, serve as a beacon for alien crafts to use as docking station
• To mark where Kathmandu used to be if the Valley ever gets submerged again
Kudos to Keshav Stop-it for staging a comeback as the Development Commissioner of the Kathmandu Valley Development Authority (didn't even know there was such a thing) to carry on where he left off as Mayor in 2000 when he demolished an entire neighbourhood to make the Maitighar Mandala Roundabout. Does his designation of Commissioner mean that he is legally allowed to pocket commissions? Just asking. Stop-it Dai showed he is a man of action and intends to hit the ground running. He said his first order of business was to turn the UN Park into a Dating Spot for Kathmandu's lovelorn and privacy-deprived couples. What a great idea. The romantic aroma wafting up from the Bagmati is sure to make smoochers swoon and faint. Keshav Cha even has a fall-back option: declare Kirtipur a Republic Tower-Cum-Dating-Spot.
On May Day while Comrade Maximus was addressing a trucked-in crowd at Khula Munch to rail against "revisionists and counter-revolutionaries", his nemesis Baidya Kaka was delivering a tirade barely 2 km away at Basantapore also against "revisionists and counter-revolutionaries". Comrade Hitman and Comrade Prime Minister found themselves on the same Buddha Air flight, and there were two welcoming committees of local Baddies on the tarmac when they got to Biratnagar.Elsewhere, Comrade Top Budder chartered a chopper at govt expense to go down to Rautahat to inaugurate a footbridge, but found Comrade Mohammad Aftab had beat him to it and already cut the red ribbon, so Top Man decided that as long as he was in the vicinity, he'd hop over to Gaur and declare the place an Open Defecation Zone.
Hijacking aircraft is becoming a habit with Baddie ministers. The other day Lekhnath ("Red Head") Bhatt decided to commandeer a Simrik Air helicopter that was on standby to take a bunch of American-Indian pilgrims to Muktinath. Comrade Butt thought he would make a quick airdash to his home village, but that took longer than expected. When the chopper returned to pick up the pilgrims, winds had picked up over the Kali Gandaki and the flight was scrubbed. The Indians did not find that funny at all and pelted the chopper and crew with projectiles until airport security arrived.
Bravo, Ncell for going to town with State Minister for Disinformation and Miscommunication Surita Kumari Sah soliciting a 5 karode ghoos. When the fhit hit the san Ms Sah took it out on her PA for not being discrete and letting the bribe news leak out to newspapers. The very next day, in a speech to a media conference she said, and I quote: "Professional journalism is necessary to protect press freedom and democracy."
Ex-YCL and ex-PLA are all going to be inducted into a Volunteer Formation (VF) and at its launch on Monday at Khanna Garments, BRB and PKD sat on a sofa with shoes on, while the new force sat bare-footed and cross-legged on the floor. Then Awesome did a repeat of the Shaktikhor Video by letting the cat out of the bag: "We terrorised people to vote for us in the CA elections, now we will do the same to get an agreement on directly-elected president." Exact quote.
Good thing we are getting a new government. Quick question: do all those who pre-paid to get plum posts now have to pay new ministers all over again?