Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Washing dirty Lenin in public

ASS


Kathmandu's finest are now looking even more stylish with snazzy new eyewear donated by the Govt of Oz. But as breathalysers malfunction and our traffic cops go back to getting drivers to say "Aah", what Kathmandu's bravest really need are industrial strength gas masks to protect them from halitosis and multi-drug resistant tubercle bacilli. And with the news that a policeman was beaten up this week by a drunk driver who didn't like the idea of breathing into the tube, it looks like the traffic police also needs to be equipped with a couple of hand grenades. However, if the international community really wanted to show its concern for Nepal's long-term welfare, it would give the top leaders of all 36 political parties correctional glasses to compensate for their astigmatism, short-sightedness and myopia.

There used to be a time when people used to smuggle into Nepal commodities that Nepalis needed for their daily household use like VCRs and VAT69s. Then smugglers found out there was a huge market across the open border, so Nepal became the trans-shipment point for digestive biscuits and gold biscuits, steel utensils and Chinese thermos flasks: whatever was in short supply in India's license raj. These days, with global trade and China's rise, Nepal is a frontline state for the transit of contraband in the other direction, items like yarsagumba and tiger pelts. More and more, what is being smuggled through Nepal is not even found in Nepal, like red sandalwood, ivory, pangolins and, most recently, dried sea horses. And therein lies Nepal's economic salvation: to specialise in being a backdoor transit point for the trade in all commodities that are banned by CITES and other international treaties and for which there is a huge demand in China: iPhones, stealth drones and shark fins.

The last two weeks after the dissolution of the CA hasn't seen a single bund, chukka jam or hurt-all in Nepal. This has reaffirmed the belief of most Nepalis that having no government at all is much better than having one. In fact, the chances of a government making major boo-boo's is so great, the chances of them plundering the exchequer so real, that we are much better off without a govt. The constitution was so controversial that the country has been at peace ever since we decided not to have one. The government should ban the government and let the people get on with their lives.

What's with our political party leaders and their obsessions with resorts? Even when there was an elected Constituent Assembly and Parliament, good facilities, air-conditioned rooms and a canteen at the BICC, they insisted on meeting in Hatiban, Gokarna, Radisson or Godavari. The Finance Ministry, which has been keeping track of bills says the four parties spent 4 karods in the past six months wining and dining in resorts. And now that the CA has died, the parties are still inviting Kathmandu-based diplomats to various resorts and five-star establishments to explain their side of the story. And usually it is for one party to whine and lay all the blame on the other parties. This must be the only country in the world where instead of keeping domestic quarrels to themselves, our leaders insist on washing their dirty Lenin in public.

And this must also be the only country where random ministers from foreign countries can just waltz in, meet the prime minister and other political actors, throw press conferences, without informing the Foreign Ministry. And they come uninvited even when the Farang Ministry says diplomatically the time may not be right. Guess it's not just Nepali ministers who like junkets to exotic places. Ever since our Ministry of Firanghi Affairs moved to the former royal palace, it doesn't have much to do except maintain mobile toilets on its premises for the long queues waiting to apply for MRPs.

And talking about whining, the Baddies have apparently censured Kaji Naran Kamred for weeping in public, and have henceforth banned all such un-communistic public displays of emotion with immediate effect. This will probably mean Chairman Maximus has to pull himself together since he often chokes up whenever the subject turns to his involvement in various extra-judicial killings by his cadre during the war.

Now we understand why the Kangresis and the Eh-maleys are so insistent on the prime minister stepping down: they want the job so they can lead the Nepal delegation to the Rio+20 Environment Summit and loll around Copacabana Beach in thongs and stuff.



1. Jujubhai
Hahahahahahaha! Nearly fell off my chair reading this. Adore your Ass! I can just visualize Baburam in thongs on the Rio beach dancing the samba with Comrade Yummy! But is he traveling economy this time too, is the question.


2. Gheo Chaku Naran
Rambabus in G-string dancing samba will be the best contribution from the land of the Yeti to the sustainability of the Eco-system particularly of the basket countries of the LDCs.

3. Sanjay Thapa
Another great piece by Ass ! Hey Man, ever thought of doing a stand up comedy, you would be an instant hit.  Anyway, pot bellied and balidng, wearing a thong and walking the beaches in Rio, where clothing is optional, most women are bare chested, what a thrill for Baburam and his gang. Nepal is burning but its leaders are busy with orgies in foreign land. Way to go Mr. Bhattarai !     

4. Gopal Singh

Remember Sher Bahadur anyone. If any  one needs a public washing and hanging out to dry, its Deuba ! He refused to deal with Dahal then and that started the war ! It was Deuba who in cahoots with Gyanendra set a precedent for disloving elected Parliament. This power hungry Deuba was then discarded like a fly in a glass of beer. This cowardly Deuba. So stop picking only on Bhattarai. He is just following in Deuba's steps. I am surprise how short the memory of Nepalis is. Let me say this as well, I despise the Maoist, both Dahal and Bhattarai, they are criminals, but then all Nepali leaders are.   



5. Mahendra Ojha
What a joke !  The Maoist have outfoxed the old fools of NC and UML time and time again. The old fools have always fallen on the Maoist traps. Baburam 's Indian advisors are fare superior than any Nepali Neta when it come to brain power.  How could Bhattarai be so confident if the Indians were not backing him. Ass........ you need to fire up the people by writing the truths in your column.  Ass...... you are a hero in many ways, but you can be a bigger hero for all Nepalis if only you keep on exposing the filthy leaders of all parties. Rmember Ass, its not only the Maoist, all Nepali netas are Power hungry selfish basta***.      

6. DG
Kudos to Ass for hitting the Bull's Eyes !

The problems of some of us is the attachment with Lenin. the igh Pope of a religion ,in its worst  form called communism. It has created dictators and party rule in all its past. The failure lies in the weakness of the democratic fronts as they have not engaged themselves in educating the masses as against their opponents.


7. Suman Upreti
Here is the soap and water for your laundry ! Deuba and Koirala split. UML split Nepal one way and Khanal the other way. Maoist split, Dahal against Baidya. Morcha is already split with Bhandari. RPP is split between Thapa and Thapa ! What we need is more splits. The more the merrier !  Nepali leaders have taken Nepal on a path of gutter and shame! We do not need them. Let Gyanendra take over once again. Nepali Army -  Stand By.     

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LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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