Nepali Times
Under My Hat
Leave it to God


The manager of the Rastriya Banijya Bank is one completely frustrated man. He has nearly given up fighting corruption, and now he is going to (and I quote) leave it to God. It could be that the bank chief is on the right track. Even our god-fearing prime minister has now said he has one last weapon up his sleeve to fight corruption: religion. At least we now seem to have a National Plan of Action. Subcontracting the Commission to Investigate the Abuse of Authority to the Almighty is one helluva move. Basically, our leaders have passed the buck on to the Supreme Being and they are going to let God fight it out with the Devil. We'll just sit back and enjoy the show.

God created us all. So in the end, He is responsible for the greedy thoughts that enter a customs officer's mind when he sees a migrant worker returning from Qatar. After all, He made the migrant worker, He made the customs officer, He made Qatar, and He even made the Devil. I see some restless hands in the audience, and I know what you are dying to ask me. You want to know how I know that God is a He. The simple answer to that is that at the present stage of our investigations we have no idea which gender, if any, God is possessed of. And don't ask me if Satan is a man or woman.

Anyway, it will be interesting to see just how God is going to go about fighting corruption, which in Nepal has been honed over the years into a fine art form. Does He/She have a plan? Or is It just going to provide lip service, and make speeches that go: "Honourable Ministers, Honourable Members of the House, His Excellency the Devil, Esteemed Bandits, Respected Crooks, Venerable Smugglers, Gentlemen and Ladies. It gives me great pleasure today to inaugurate this new Anti-Corruption Temple Complex dedicated to fighting graft. As we know, the main opposition led by the Devil has been trying to sabotage our divine programme to ensure a clean and efficient bureaucracy, setting back our effort to bring relief to the people in this period of crisis for the country. There can be no two opinions that the Number One challenge for the Nation today is to fight this scourge that is eating into the vital statistics of our society. So let me assure you that We will leave no stone right-side up in getting to the bottom of this sinful, sinful act."

God could start by announcing a Zero Tolerance campaign so that those on the take will be awarded draconian punishments on the spot. Ripping off the nation on hydropower deal: Eternal Damnation in the Kingdom of Hades. Kickbacks on jet lease: Slow roast in Hell-fire. Mixing kerosene with diesel: Shovelling coal in Perdition. Harassing Qatar returnees: Serve as a peon to the Devil's advocate.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)