20-26 May 2016 #809

Nepal on bucket list of countries to visit before you kick the bucket

Nepal is the favouritest destination in the world through no effort of our own.
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You’d be forgiven for thinking that with all the firanghis being rounded up and deported these days, Nepal is a hostile and unwelcoming place. Farangs don’t seem to want to leave us alone, and they keep coming back for more even when we try to push them out. Our country seems to be inhospitable only in the sense that it is too expensive to go to hospitals here.

Nepal, in fact, is a desirable destination because you can enter with a 30-day tourist visa on arrival, hobnob with monkeys on Swayambhu, help pull the Machindranath Chariot while under the influence, participate in one of many political demonstrations, and (if you are lucky) get deported by the Department of Tourism and Marxism-Leninism to become a cyber-celebrity on Twitter, and we’ll even throw in a free editorial about you in The Times of New York.

Nepal is the favouritest destination in the world through no effort of our own. Not a week goes by without some web site or other voting us into a Bucket List of Ten Top Destinations to Visit Before You Kick the Bucket.

In the past months Nepal has made it to the Top Ten Destinations of Lonely Planet, the Rough Guide List of Most Desirable Places to Visit in 2016, and (BREAKING NEWS) this week the appropriately-named Elite Daily came out with 11 Reasons Nepal Should Be Your Next Backpacking Destination. At the rate we keep on making it to international travel listicles, it seems you avoid Nepal at your own peril.

All this is on top of the new attractions that we have added recently so that Nepal is an even more exciting place to visit before you get reincarnated:

Baggage Carousels Fixed

Under its Twelfth Five-Year Plan, Kathmandu’s Tribhuvan Incontinent Airport has finally repaired its two malfunctioning carousels, but has retained loaders who borrowed stuff from your luggage. No longer do arriving passengers have to wait two hours to check-out their checked-in bags, they get it super quick but with its contents confiscated by our ever-alert and frisky baggage handlers.

Mt Everest Height Reduced

After receiving complaints from mountaineers that Mt Everest was too difficult to climb, and to increase revenue from fees the gubberment has decided to reduce the height of Mt Everest, according to the aforementioned The Times of New York. The Ministry of High Altitudes has already dynamited two cliffs at the Hillary Step after expeditions complained that they were not getting their money’s worth. In the longer-term, a motorable road is being built to the top of Mt Everest via the South Col. With these new infrastructures in place, the Touristy Ministry will be able to live up to its motto ‘Climb Everest Or Your Money Back’.

Visit Nepal While It Still Exists

For many reasons, many of which I can’t get into here because of space constraints, this is the time to visit Nepal.

First of all, you may as well go while the country still exists. If you wait too long, you may have to undertake time travel and go back into the past. Also, it’s a good idea to visit Nepal while it’s still dark and before load-shedding is ended in two years. Visit Pokhara before the bullet train gets there from Xigatse. Come to Kathmandu before every household has piped gas. Visit before the Tarai Fast Track Highway is built without foreign investment in the next 50 years.

And you must absolutely get here before all 75 districts are declared open-defecation free.

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