20-26 January 2017 #842

Leaked Driving License Test

Ass
Without any eating around the bush or hemming and hawing, the Donkey is leaking for your eyes only, this week’s test. Good luck.

1. All motorcycle riders are required to wear helmets: 

a. Unless you can present written proof you are a conscientious objector  

b. Except your three children aged 2, 4, and 5 sitting on the fuel tank who are required by law to only wear fancy shades and frilly hats 

c. At all times 

d. Including when you are asleep, or in the bathroom. 

2. The best procedure for taking a vehicle from a parked stationary position into the traffic flow is to:

a. Swing out into the lane without looking behind for approaching vehicle, especially if you are a mad micro driver whose days are numbered on Kathmandu’s streets.  

b. If there are school kids waiting to cross the zebra, accelerate so you can beat them to it. 

c. Look into the rearview mirror and wait for a safe gap in traffic to move into lane, even if it means waiting till the next bandh by the Big Plop Faction  

d. “Don’t stop. Don’t look. And go!” 

3. A blinking right signal light usually means:

a. Turning right, but not sure yet

b. You can overtake me now if you dare

c. My left signal is broken

d. All of the above

4. You honk on the highway to:

a. Greet fellow travellers

b. Curse fellow travellers

c. Because the back of the truck says “Horn Please”

d. To keep yourself from falling asleep at the wheel

5. When a high velocity VIP convoy approaches on Putali Sadak, you:

a. Speed up and race The Honourbale Prime Minister to Balu Water

b. Pull over and give Comrade Prime Minister the middle finger

c. Pull over and salute the national flag

d. Pull over, wait for convoy to pass, and chase it to get to your destination faster

6. A motorcyclist caught in a traffic jam should:

a. Squeeze into every available space, knocking out the rearview mirrors of cars

b. Ignite afterburners, climb up the ramp to overhead bridge, ride down onto the roofs of buses to get to destination

c. Follow traffic rules patiently to reach office after you have crossed retirement age

d. Ride on the sidewalk and don’t let sleeping dogs lie

7. If a Red Bull is sitting on the road, you:

a. Treat street fauna as traffic islands and pass them dutifully on the left

b. Wait for animal to get up, which could be until the cows come home

c. Alight from car, lift beverage can, pull tab and drink

d. Alight from car and worship holy cow

8. You are driving down Naxal your mobile vibrates. Do you: 

a. Let it vibrate and enjoy the massage. 

b. Put it on speaker phone, shout obscenities and gesticulate wildly so cop thinks you have Road Rage
  c. Pick up the phone, chat with the caller and when cop pulls you over slip phone down your shirt and pretend to be excavating ear wax. 

d. Pick up the phone, chat with the caller and have a Rs 1000 note ready on the dash board. 

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