17-23 June 2016 #813

Coming and going

Ass


Since Nepal has now been voted multiple times as the World’s Top Adventure Tourism Destination, the gobarment is looking for ways to increase the thrill of a Himalayan Horriday. That is why on certain airlines (which shall remain nameless because they might advertise with us in future) the inflight announcement goes something like this: “Ladies and Gentleman, welcome on bored, in case of sudden loss of cabin pleasure, just pull oxygen mask, clobber your nose and mouth, and bleed normally. Please put your seats in an uptight position, enjoy our complimentary turbulence, and be careful when opening the oval-head rockers.”

The real excitement starts after landing, as the Ministry of Marxism and Tourism requires all inbound buccaneers to fill out Disembarkation Forms. Failure to do so results in an on-the-spot fine in cash or kind, of an amount not exceeding $100 (in unmarked $10 bills plus 10%VAT and 2% Tourist Tax handed under the counter), or retroactive defenestration from an altitude of 35,000 ft over Waypoint Romeo, whichever comes first.

A Disembowelment Card is an important document that records for posterity who and how many people dared visit Nepal. Our immigration forms are already the most inclusive on earth, in fact even more progressive than the draft of the new Constitution. But Arrival and Departure Cards are living documents and must change with the seasons. It is time to change ours:

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