3-9 February 2017 #844

Vibrating democracy

Ass
Who would have thought even a month ago that America is no longer the country that most Nepalis want to sneak into illegally?

It’s fascinating to watch that while the wheels of democracy are grinning to a halt in The Land of the Free, here in The Home of Brave Gurkhas it is spinning out of control. We don’t just have one election in 2017, but three. We have women in high places, and have shuffled 9 male Primate Ministers in 8 years.

Our leaders never take decisions unilaterally, they always do so bilaterally. That is why Deputised Prime Minister Needy disappears from parliament during voting on a crucial bill on electoral laws. Or Comrade Upadro vanishes during a meeting of the Morcha and cannot be located. In an emergency, these honchos can only be reached on the +91 area code.

The Sri Lankan astrologer who was arrested this week for predicting that his country’s President would kick the bucket must now be wishing he had made the prediction about another Prez. But even that soothsayer would not have foretold that this winter we in Nepal would be enjoying 24 hours of electricity.

Electric power has been restored to be the people, all we have to do now restore political power as well. Proof that electricity has injected renewed vigour into our vibrant economy is that vibrators (Slogan: ‘No side effects’) are flying off the shelves. This means those of you improvising with the use of handsets for purposes other than mobile telephony can now stop doing so. 

The other sign that things are limping back to normalcy in our democracy is that the Department of Sewage Canals is digging up roads that were recently filled up by the Department of Potable Water.

And as the dust settles, what a relief it is to see that despite the monumental transformation of the country’s political structure and replacing a king with kinglets, the sitting President of a former monarchy invites the ex-King of a new republic when her current daughter marries a sitting grandson of an ex-President. #OnlyInNepal

Another sign of the New Normal is that the Big Plop Student Union (Revolting) has started sending out extortion letters to businesses demanding oodles of moolah for its election campaign.

Many recipients of these threatening letters were overcome with nostalgia for the good old days when we ate death threats for breakfast. A dropout Baddie student, however, denied his union had demanded Rs10 million from hotels. “We only demanded Rs5 million,” he clarified, on condition that his name remained a mystery.

Those hankering for the good old days of our vibrating democracy should take heart that we are already making drastic progress. Political pyromaniacs used to burn tyres in the streets. These days the tyres are set on fire while still attached to their vehicles.

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