5-11 December 2014 #735

Punctuating communism

Ass
Just as it is not news that dog bites man, the new split in the Maobaddies did not make headlines. Which is a pity because it is an important development that carries on the grand tradition of binary fission in Nepal’s left-out parties. 

This means Cash Baddies are nearly cashless, Dash Baddies have become dashless, and we are running out of punctuation marks to designate new Communist Parties of Nepal. Having made it to the Guinness Book for having the highest number of communist parties per capita in the world, Nepal has taken another great leap forward to maintain that lead with Comrade Big Plop breaking away from Baidya Kaka. 

In order to help academics who are doing their doctorates on the glorious history of Nepal’s communists, we present here a glossary of communistic parties. Let me know if I have left out any of you.



Comrade Big Plop boasted at the launch of his own party the other day that he had 3,000 guns. Whoa. Those must be the ones that PKD once said had been washed away by the river, how he must be regretting lying to UNMIN about the guns he hid. Dashless ex-gorillas seem to be behind the spate of Robin Hood bank robberies in recent weeks as a part of the party’s fund-raising drive. Com Plop also warned that his vigilantes will now go after crooks. Good idea, takes one to know one. Maybe he should start with the CIAA. Or maybe he should investigate  the corrodes spent on solar street lights some of which have already stopped working because of dust accumulation on the PV panels.

Speaking of SAARC, here are some Summit tidbits that somehow didn’t make it to the news:

  • The Summit was overshadowed by a visibly grumpy Nawaz Sahrif who felt outsmarted by Narendra Modi. The Pakistan PM apparently threw a tantrum when he found out Modi had brought his own chopper or two to fly to Dhulikhel. “I’d have brought mine too,” he is reported to have said. Then he blew a fuse when he found out the Indians had commandeered 30 rooms at Soaltee. 

  • It didn’t help matters that NaMo was always breaking the alphabetical queue, forgetting ‘I’ comes after ‘B’.

  • Good thing none of the HOGs had to use the loo at the Shitty Hall. A mole tells us the toilets wouldn’t flush, and Nepal demonstrated living proof that South Asia is in the Turd World.

  • -Which must be why the gobblement has decided not to open the venue to the public, they don’t want us to see how they squandered money on the shoddy renovation.

  • The seats were so narrow several XXL ambassadors and delegates couldn’t be shoe-horned into them. 

  • Nepal’s First Lady SuzyQ (yes, she’s back) miffed the Maldivian 1st Lady by lavishing all her attention on Mrs Sharif in Bhaktapur.

  • In one-on-ones @narendramodi urged consensus, but our own Rajinder Mahato only wanted a #TraumaCentre in his constituency. Traumatic.

  • SAARC Medal for Prime Minister Tobgay for going down to the Cashier at the Soaltee to settle his own bill.

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