Nepali Times Asian Paints
ASS
Backside
Honesty, the best policy

ASS


The Ass was determined this week to boycott all news on the Umpteenth Prime Minister Election (UMPE), but is forced to react to a rival donkey who conjured up the headline: 'Poudel Misses Lady Luck in 13th Attempt'. Since when did this have anything to do with luck, ladylike or otherwise? Can't say we don't have our hearts in the right place, tho. All we can add is: "Better luck next time in the 14th attempt. Over 'n' out."

***

I know. We all had our uh-oh moment when it transpired that the cholera outbreak in Haiti possibly has a Nepal connection. The UN is investigating if the sewage overflowing from the septic tanks of the Nepali contingent of MINUSTAH into a nearby river has cholera. And if it turns out the bacilli in question are indeed the Vibrio cholera 01 Ogawa biotype El Tor then we are literally up shit creek. Besides war crimes, selling M-16s to Hizbollah, and corruption in APC procurement, cholera is one more black mark for Nepali Blue Helmet peacekeepers. However, it is a little hard to understand all the media hoo-hah about Haiti. Cholera is our national disease, we have outbreaks in Nepal all the time and no one in the international media ever gave a hoot

***

NEIL DIXIT

The other matter that made headlines this week was the Transparency International report card that was interpreted differently by different papers, with some saying 'Nepal Most Corrupt Country in the World' and another that said 'Nepal Most Corrupt in South Asia'. Let's make up our minds, folks. But one paper put the best spin on our utter corruptibility as a nation by using the banner headline: 'Nepal Still Strong in Corruption'. In fact, the country seems to be going from strength to strength as far as malfeasance is concerned, if you take another report in the papers this week that revealed that villagers are having to be bribed Rs 1 to use a newly built public toilet as a special promo. When there is so much palm greasing going on, and people are being ripped off left and right, at least one lodge in Ghandruk has decided to set itself apart by highlighting its integrity.

***

Narayan Man, the president of Bhaktapur, hit the nail on the head when he simplified Chairman Awe-struck's visit to China in simple layman's language. "He went there just to irritate India," quoth Bijukchhe. That said, it looks like the Chinese let it be known that they are rather miffed that their country's good name has been dragged into the mud with the Maharagate Tape. Beijing wants Nepal to be stable and predictable, not volatile and jumpy, which is more and more the way PKD is behaving as he finds the prime ministership slipping further away from his grasp. No senior Chinese leader met Chairman Awful, which was a message in itself, and the main instructions from the party's foreign relations dept was: "Sort it out with India and don't keep bothering us, we're busy." And that's not all, the Chinese also instructed the Maoist delegation to go back to Nepal and tell everyone that was the message they got. Dutifully carried out by PKD at his arrival press con, as well as Fire-breathing Sapkota in his interview with John.

Com Fearsome tried to put a brave face on it and said that he proposed to the Chinese a tripartite strategic alliance between India-Nepal-China. But he failed to convincingly explain what this proposed Trans-Himalayan Axis is meant to do.

***

Meanwhile, back home businesses are facing post-Dasain extortion as local baddies raise money for the Extended Assembly in Palungtar next month. In Gorkha, every family is required to donate one mattress, or else. Tourist buses are being fleeced from Sarangkot to Charikot (Medal of Honour for the American tourists who reported the extortion to police in Dolakha; the ten grand was returned to them).

Anyone worried about the Maoist obstruction to the budget can rest easy. The budget will get a green light as soon as PKD's own allowance and the CA members' salaries and cantonment transfers dry up.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



1. here n there
Loved the "Nepal Still Strong in Corruption", give that Guy/Gal Ass Award. How about a Day or a Week declared Honesty Day/Week? Then the whole city would come to a grinding halt. No micro buses, all the NGO's leave Nepal, Politicians in Jail with the Police, Judges. As matter of fact, all the government employees would get canned. Who is Kidding?  "T.I.N: This is Nepal" blurts Rajesh Hamal . It takes generations of hard work and innovations to get the Numero Uno spot. Well done, we are really Strong in Corruption. Put that Banner at the TIA. 
Tell it to a ordinary man on the street and he'd probably shrug it off. Its part of the zeitgeist - once we are known for our friendliness and hospitality around the world. 


2. who cares
if what Fire-breathing Sapkota said is true then, we should thank china for lending some wisdom to maoist.

now let's hope, maoist wont sabotage development projects from now on. 




3. K. K. Sharma

Ya , ya , ya, And what about extortions through 100% increase in porperty taxes by the State.?


4. Rajaram
 Prodigal Son Plans to Return.

The Great Chabilal has forwarded his Bintipatra to bideshi-prabhu to invite him to Delhi as per the suggestion of our Chinese friends.
It seems history repeats itself; they ( Chairman Mao himself) had given the same advice to King  Mahendra also in the sixties when they were engaged in fighting with India, as a good friend of Nepal.
Nepal's position with its geography remains the same.
 As a former protege of India who was groomed for eight years in 10 rebel years, Puspa Kamal Dahal,s visit this time will be "The Return Of The Prodigal Son." Prachanda is a master of the game of kowtowing of genuflecting and this time it will be his great back somersault.( Hope his swimsuit does not slip out.)
 We wish him success in Delhi Durbar in his Dam-rachhne darshan with his Prabhu.




5. Abhinav Shakya
Dear Ass,

It would have been really awesome if Nepal Telecom had released the blacklisted sites list as:

1. Porn: The definitive list.. Now at a proxy server near you
2. Emerging Consumers Trends - Top 50 porn sites in Nepal
3. Porn, Porn, Porn, and then some

Cheers and Happy Tihar


6. Abhinav Shakya
Dear Ass,

It would have been really awesome if Nepal Telecom had released the blacklisted sites list as:

1. Porn: The definitive list.. Now at a proxy server near you
2. Emerging Consumers Trends - Top 50 porn sites in Nepal
3. Porn, Porn, Porn, and then some

Cheers and Happy Tihar

Abhinav



7. jange
Work for NTA. Surf for porn and get paid for it!!


8. Kale Rai
Honesty is not the best policy.
It has come to our knowledge that number of powerful politicians have already booked the vehicles of UNMIN  before their departure. Is it not underhand dealing and favoritism? Misuse of powewr in any guise must be prevented. It has taken root in every walk of life.



9. Gole
Nepal is still strong in corruption.,no doubt. Because of greed no rational or discrimination can be used in any sphere of life or government. Nepal  's governing elites are now like a house in which  ; father a thief, mother a thief, son a thief, daughter-in -law a thief, grand-children thief.
What is going to happen in such house?What to expect/
 The only motivation in government offices is money making. (There are good exceptions too.) But lucrative money making offices are the booty ,bounty  or privilege of the parties and their bosses.
 We visited a road bridge construction on the Bagmati at Tripureswar ;the bridge is almost ready; but where is the access/approach road?
There is such a traffic congestion on Maitighar juncyion; but where is our Deputy Prime Minister gone? Hecannot even open a public road forcefully usurped by the army?
Armr occupied the road temporarily during insurection days.
Will it not be good public relation  exercise on the part of the army brass to open the public road connecting the airport with the city in the Visit Nepal Tourism Year?





10. Prajwal Khanal
South Asian Cholera Strand, Tests confirm Nepal Army contingent not responsible for Cholera epidemic in Haiti: Whodunit... the plot thickens.!

11. Manfred
In Europe in the past a device called "Pillory" has been used as a means of 'public shaming'. A person thus exposed has been subjected to being thrown at with rotten vegetables and stuff... Dabur Square in Kathmandu would be the right location for setting up pillories for the corrupt amongst us! - Maybe the place isn't big enough to cater for all those who lack honesty...


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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