It's a zoo out there

It is befitting for a land where the Lord of the Animals is the patron deity that we have a prime minister who frequently invokes the names of creatures great and small. During the Blockade, the primordial minister alluded to agitators as ‘house flies’ (Musca domestica). He once called those demonstrating outside Singha (Panthera leo) Darbar as ‘monkeys’ (Macaca mulatta).

The prime minister calls his home district Super Jhapa because it has a ‘tiger’ (Panthera tigris) economy. And while describing Nepal’s unique tourist attractions, he once said ‘ rhinos’ (Rhinoceros unicornis) were found nowhere else in the world. Then, last week he urged his party leaders to unleash themselves on dissidents like ‘hornets’ (Vespa mandarina). Yesterday he warned foreigners (Firanghi khaire) not to treat Nepalis like guinea pigs (Cavia porcellus).

The country’s prime minister so often citing the animal kingdom (even though we are now a republic) helps draw attention to Nepal’s zoological diversity. In case he is running out of animals that deserve special mention, it is our patriotic duty to offer the following suggestions:

White Elephant

Can be used when describing national pride projects like mammoth (Mammuthus primigenius) airports and other edifice complexes that the country cannot afford.

Snake Pit

If there is an accurate zoological simile to describe the venomous reptiles that populate the government, this could be it.

Wild Bore

In an emergency, the prime minister can call on these swines who escaped from the Ministry of Jungles to give speeches from the podium.

Mountain Guerrillas

Endangered simians who still believe in a pheasant revolution are now the prime minister’s coalition partners.

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

These carnivores can be invoked when describing party apartchiks.

Sloth Bear

Known for lazing around in the fourth estate, these animals are often seen licking the behinds of Wild Bores and scratching each other’s backs.

The Ass

The donkey (Equus asinus) would be more than happy to lend his name for any important purpose in the national interest.

Reader's response

In an article in ekantipur on May 25, 2015, Mr Oli, then just the leader of UML, was quoted as describing those who came from outside to help Nepal in the aftermath of the earthquake, as “Foreign dogs who ate foods worth Rs 100,000 daily and also digested equal amount of allowance, but they did nothing more than sniffing some holes.”

- Sam