Statue of The Ass

Thanks to our elected leaders, we finally have a solution to the problem of the unspent development budget: build statues.

Great Leader Comrade Awesome got the ball rolling by garlanding a cement bust of The Late Dear Leader Prakash last week to commemorate his son’s selfless devotion to the ruling family.

Not to be outdone, Mayor Balen declared that he would be erecting a statue of the late fellow-rapper Yama Buddha. This is what we need: leaders who think outside the box so that Kathmandu’s streets can have more statues than potholes.

This action man is not shy about appearing inebriated and incoherent at public gatherings, or evicting tax-evading sidewalk vendors.

Seriously, us voters have to ask ourselves: are we going soft and losing the fire in our bellies? Are we slacking off, allowing lethargy and ennui to undermine the gains of the 2015 Federal Constipation? The answer to both questions is: “Umm, that's a thought.”

How else can we explain all this public apathy and indifference, even when the grabberment wants to tax our Dubai shopping holidays? How come the prime minister is not incinerated in effigy? How come we don’t see chukka jams, hurtalls and tod-fods?

There was an entire rush hour period on Monday evening when there were no demos at Baneswor Choke, I can’t even remember the last time we had a nationwide bund, and no one blocked traffic with burning tyres at Maiti Ghar and made complete arsons of themselves.

Not a single royal statue was vandalised, no government vehicle was stoned, and no one even bothered to block the Mahindra Highway for six hours when gas prices hit 199.

This just will not do. If we truly value our democracy and hard-won freedoms, we have to learn from our Sri Lankan comrades who stormed the presidential palace, took selfies in Rajapaksa’s king-sized bed, worked out in his gym, and took a dip in the president's official pool.

And there you all are, sitting idly reading this column, and not bothering to gherao the prime minister's residence after Sunday was declared a working day again. Why is no one standing up for their rights by bringing the nation’s capital to a grinding halt, stage relay hunger strikes, and fast unto death?

Are we going to let go of the gains of the 2006 Uprising so easily? How bad do things need to get before we get off our if’s and butt’s? Will we allow the euphoria of democracy to evaporate so easily? Does god exist? Will the world end with a bang, or a whimper? What is the best cure for bromodosis? These are all vital questions if we are to protect our value-system and way of life.

Myself, I am going on a relay hunger strike until the Balenistas erect a statue of The Ass at Asan intersection.