<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221114111144/63721cd29c7e80680e0bd4b0jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1001"/><figcaption>Photo: MANISH PAUDEL/NEPALI TIMES ARCHIVE</figcaption></figure>The world is making amazing progress in automotive technology, and this means Nepal will soon leapfrog rapidly from a country of drivers without cars, to one of driverless cars.That is why the Ass would like to know what the higher up authoritarians are doing to prepare Kathmandu for self-driving cars. Lack of preparation could mean chaos on Kathmandu's presently smooth-flowing streets. Actually, self-driving cars would be the perfect antidote to all the hazards and obstacles to road trafficking in the Valley. Here is how:<ol><li>Google Maps will have to train itself to geolocate your exact destination, since there are no street names and numbers in Kathmandu. Driverless cars should be able to instinctively detect their position using Virtual Reality so they know when to turn left at the uncollected garbage pile at Bag Bazar, and after 150m, drive up a pedestrian overhead bridge at Jamal, and then home to Ass-on.</li></ol><ol start="2"><li>Visual cues are not enough for driverless cars which will need olfactory sensors to navigate the Dungmati Corridor. Your vehicle just follows odour emanating from the Sewage Canal by literally smelling its way to the destination.</li></ol><ol start="3"><li>Natural intelligence of a human driver will be superseded by artificial intelligence of a driverless vehicle which can detect the large sinkhole in the middle of the street in Lazimpat by promptly falling into it.</li></ol><ol start="4"><li>The real revolution will happen when the Office of Transportation allows motorcycles to also be driverless. Self-driving two-wheelers will make both pillion rider and driver obsolete.</li></ol><ol start="5"><li>Mayor Bidya Sundar Shakya declared Kathmandu a 'smart city', and driverless cars will make it a Genius City. But first, we have to get the software rewritten so vehicles can drive on any side of the road and also follow Kathmandu’s new smart traffic lights. Green: Go fast; Yellow: Go faster; Red: Step on it.</li></ol><ol start="6"><li>On Nepal’s highways, when a tipper truck in front gives a right signal it doesn’t mean he is turning right. It is trying to tell the self-driving car that it can safely overtake him. This feature has been retained also for driverless tipper trucks.</li></ol><ol start="7"><li>Self-driving microbuses must learn that in Nepal, we don’t just over-take, we take-over the road. When God made cars, he equipped them with horns. Driverless micros should honk pointlessly just to prove that they exist, following the polite instruction on the backs of lorries.</li></ol><ol start="8"><li>The best thing about driverless cars is that we can drink and drive again.</li></ol>

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Driverless in Carmandu

As a newspaper of world records, we tell the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth. However, reporters are also human, and we sometimes knowingly tweak the truth. And when we do, our strict Media Code of Ethics requires us to lie low and hope no one noticed. Just kidding. Actually, we issue a clarification to say that we were right to get it wrong.Be it a tiny typo, a glaring grammatical gaffe, a huge factual blunder, or an alternative truth, the important thing is to alert innocent bystanders about howlers and learn from our mistakes so that we can make even bigger ones in future. Before we are hoisted by our own petard, some critical self-examination is called for. If caught with our pants down, we rectify our erratum with a corrigendum. It is SOP in our profession to issue corrections like these:• We apologise to Comrade Madhav Kumar Nepal for triggering a major international incident with our bold headline on the Sports Page yesterday: ‘India Mauls Nepal’. The reportage pertained to the table tennis finals of the ongoing 13th SAG. In no way did we imply that Comrade Nepal was seriously injured by Injuns during his ongoing pingpong diplomacy over Kalapani.• Due to a bitter argument in the newsroom, the prime minister was incorrectly identified in yesterday’s Editorial as Pushpa Kamal Oli. The present premier is in fact the Right Honourable KP Dahal. We apologise to both prime ministers for the faux pas.• A caption in the Entertainment Section misidentified the revolving restaurant near the airport as the Revolting Restaurant &amp; Bar. It is in fact the Revolutionary Party Palace run by the ANNUS(R). The terror is regretted.• A Page 1 report by Chicken Little datelined Madrid about COP25 gave the erroneous impression that the world is ending. We are happy to report that the world is still very much around, according to a higher up authority. “We’ll let you know if and when we decide to terminate the world,” The Almighty said in a statement, read out by a heavenly spokesperson. Sorry about the boo-boo.• Comrade Laldhoj of the Socialite Party has informed us that a news item in yesterday’s edition announcing the launch of a nationwide agitation was a huge mistake. The party shouldn’t have done it.• A small typo crept into an article last Friday about Kathmandu being developed as an International Humour Centre. Heh-heh. Sorry about that hilarious goofup. In actual fact, the city is turning into an International Tumour Centre.• Due to a fact-checking slipup, an Obituary yesterday announcing the death of Mr Mark Twain was exaggerated. Air pollution in Kathmandu had actually made Mr Twain feel only half-dead.

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Driverless in Carmandu

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