<img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221114131128/637234a39c7e80680e0c4944jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="900"/>It is only when a people start worrying about their future that they strive for betterment. Contrary to what many negativists think, Nepal does have a future. We just don't know what kind of future it is.And that is where asstrologers come in: to provide an essential service by divining what the coming years may hold so that Nepal’s politicians can peer into the future and get history to repeat itself.In being able to prophesy the future, we lag behind our neighbours India (the world’s leader in fortune-telling) and China (the global fortune-cookie superpower). It is in Nepal’s geo-strategic interest to be able to predict what will happen the day after tomorrow, or to be more specific, on 20 November.After all, Prime Minister Deuba pushed the election date by two days not at the request of the Election Commission, but on advice from Asstrologer General Suresh Rijal. That is the same soothsayer who told Brave Lion he will be prime minister seven times. Two more to go.Nations, too, have horoscopes. And in these uncertain times it is good to know what is pre-ordained, so that we can all sit back and relax, safe in the knowledge that what will be, will be, and there is nothing we can do about it. Nepal’s horoscope is Top Secret Sensitive Compartmented Information, and we reprint it below in the strictest confidence:‘With the Moon in the Seventh House, Jupiter aligned with Mars, and the current Libra-Aries opposition identical to the placement of those constellations during the Peloponnesian War of 431 BC when the plague struck Athens and the Third Punic War when Rome sacked and sowed Carthage with salt, war and pestilence are probable. Luckily, a Neptune-Uranus conjunction on 20 November means that nothing can go wrong, because nothing is going on.’When politics get uncertain, Nepal’s leaders have often relied on Indian goodmen like Co-Pilot Baba and Shree 3 Ravi Shankar to safeguard their future. Not surprisingly, it is the atheist Communist parties who mostly rely on these consultants to appease the planets.Maobuddy leader Comrade Awesome often ODs on the opiate of the asses: worshipping water buffaloes, sacrificing black goats, and engaging the services of Tantric voodoo consultants to cast spells on rivals.All the nine planets are in alignment with PKD’s constellation, so it will be smooth sailing for him after the elections. However, the James Webb Space Telescope has found another solar system 300 light years away, so those new planets may throw the predictions off.In no way is Nepal a failed state, we are a fatalist state. This is why Kathmandu is the venue for the Asian Astrologers’ Convention, even though they are waiting for the planets to align for the date and time to be set. Those planning a government reshuffle, elections, or stage a coup d’etat should book seats in advance.The conference will determine whether Nepal’s leaders should adopt Vastu or Feng Shui when greeting Indian or Chinese leaders. Ass’s advice: face north while meeting the Chinese, and hide under the table when the Indians come.

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Nepal’s horrorscope

Come to think of it, it was quite a masterstroke that the Baddies launched their armed struggle in 1996 just a day before Valentine’s Day. They drove home the message: ‘Make love … and war’. And even: ‘All is fair in love and war.’Because of this glorious revolutionary history, Valentine’s Day is now affixed on the Nepali calendar as yet another of the thousands of festivals and carnivore carnivals that this country celebrates every year, also ceremonially inducting St Valentine into the Hindu pantheon of 33 million gods. This year, we will mark International Day of Lust with the same oomph and pomp that we reserve for other festivals – by going bar hopping in Jhamel.<img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221114101124/637209639c7e80680e0b553bjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="250" height="361"/>(This week’s Backside column is proudly sponsored by a liquor category which has recruited yours truly Brand Amb-ass-ador because the grabberment has decided not to allow alcohol advertising in print media anymore. Statutory Health Warning: reading this column out loud while under the influence may be illegal in some provinces. Hic.)Ballantine’s Day is a timely reminder to Nepalis of this country’s abiding obsession with sowing wild oats, and tolerance of every possible carnal permutation and combination thereof. Our ancestors, without whose seminal contribution we would not be here to pen these lines today, left ample evidence of their fertile imaginations on x-rated temples as proof of the outstanding and upright people we once were.Which is why it is a serious lapse for Nepal not to cash in on the exotica and erotica depicted on monuments and other erections in our midst to promote tourism. Nepal Tourism Year 2020 was a flop because of the pandemic, but we could still meet the target of 2 million visitors in 2023 if we promoted sex tourism. Not like the Thais do it, of course, but by highlighting all the hanky panky painstakingly portrayed by our forebears on temple struts as a labour of love.This Ballantine’s Day on Monday let us honour far-sighted Tan-trick masters of yore who were not bashful about putting up 3-D porn on their sites. They didn’t hem and haw when it came to depicting the birds and bees, they went hee-haw. They didn’t waste time beating about the bush, they were in flagrante delicto.And all this can be seen in the ornithological and apiarian depictions on the exterior roof struts of the Valley’s three Darbar Squares. Tourists should be told that a pair of powerful binoculars is all they need to unlock the secrets of Nepal’s holy edifices (From Sanskrit: ‘edi’ = dirty, and ‘fices’ = stuff).Recent census results show a worrying decline in the number of Nepalis, which is why encouraging copulation is a way to multiply the population. And it is good to see that the Baddies still have a love-hate relationship with their promiscuous coalition partners, and all this pre-election political knoodling is a start.

Another Ballantine’s

<img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141128/636cfd3d9c7e80680e0a0bd3jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="640" height="427"/>Many of us are reluctant to shed cosy illusions and want to go on pretending that everything is hunky dory in the Dramatic Cellular Femoral Republic of Nepal. This is why it has become important for us in the 4th Estate of Province 3 to use this window of opportunity while we still have freedom of expression and before draconian new laws come into effect, curbing our right to troll whomsoever we like.Freedom is not a luxury, we in the media must use it to hold power to account and play the adversarial role. This is exactly why the Ass is pushing the boundaries of press freedom by analysing trends in male fashion and what that means for our democratic way of life.Many of you must be wondering why contemporary kids think it is mandatory under Nepal’s new Constitution to wear trousers that look like they have been designed for people who don't have any buttocks. I haven’t. Just wondered if you had. Because my preliminary inspection has revealed what I suspected all along: today's teenagers aren't endowed with the formidable cheeks our generation was proud to call its own.Ever since our Neanderthal ancestors started greeting each other with the phrase, "How's it hanging, bro?" human beings have been acutely aware of the various physical accessories in their possession and the need to keep them a closely guarded secret. In those early days, men went undercover by using whatever was lying around the cave to hide their crown jewels: a strip of dried woolly mammoth bladder, antelope skin, or sabre-toothed tiger fur. And that, ladies and/or gentlemen, was how the world of men's fashion was born.But even back then it was already clear that men's fashion was ephemeral. Fads came and went. Early wildebeest hide dungarees, for instance, were tied with rope belts at the chest. But the very next year, it went out of fashion.Due to Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation, trousers have been drifting downwards ever since, and by the early Elizabethan Era had arrived at the proximity of the belly button. Today, if the latest fashion trend I have spotted in Darbar Morgue is any indication, baggy draw-string trousers must be tied just below the cleavage in a gravity-defying feat of brinkmanship. At this rate, by the time Nepal attains Middle Income Status in 2025, we can safely predict that boys' trousers will be tied at the ankles, and mankind will have come a full circle to our underwear-less Neanderthal forebears.But how can the ordinary man on the street keep track of the latest fashion trends, especially if they do not have a TikTok account? As a public service, the Ass presents below a table with can-wear and can't-wear tips. Warning: fashion trends can change suddenly and without warning, making you look like a dork.WHAT’S OUT Ritual Bhairav maskJeans faded at crotchThongsBaburam Bhattarai golf capEar ringWHAT’S IN N95 masksLowrise half-mast pantsCamo underwearFair Trade hemp capNipple ring

The Ass

Men's fashion trends

The most trending topic from Nepal on social media this week was not (as many of you might have erroneously contemplated) the breaking news from the Prime Minister’s Orifice that gravitation was discovered by Sri Bhaskar Acharya and not by Sir Issac Newton.This extraordinary revelation turns western gastronomy on its head, forcing us to re-examine the 3 laws Newton postulated after seeing an Apple Macbook fall from a tree, and rewrite them thus:First Law of Thermodynamics: A body at rest in the Kathmadu Mayor’s office will continue to be at rest even if rudely awoken by a physical force acting upon it like, for instance, a boot hitting the concerned authority’s butt.Second Law of Thermodynamics: Because energy cannot be created or destroyed in an isolated system, power cuts are inevitable for the unforeseeable future.Third Law of Thermodynamics: When one boulder exerts pressure on a yam, the second boulder simultaneously exerts counter pressure with a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction so that the aforementioned yam is completely squished.Be that as it may, the real breaking news was, as The Economist reported this week, that Mt Everest is the world’s highest pile of shit. Firanghi correspondents just don’t get it, and what the reporter failed to mention was that since Mt Everest is being weathered by wind and precipitation, it is incumbent on the Gobarment of Nepal to ensure that it remains the paramount mountain on Earth. It is a matter of pride and nationalism for us Nepalis that we use all tools at our disposal to not just maintain the summit at 8848m, but even add a few more metres if we can.But Mt Everest is melting because of global warming, and this means all the frozen turd left on the mountain by daring alpinists since Sir George Mallory is beginning to thaw out. This is a national emergency and calls for immediate action. Instead of taking excreta down, it’s a much better idea to make every climber take a mandatory dump on top. Expeditions must also carry poo up from lower camps, so that the peak remains highest in the world.Our target should be to raise Mt Everest to at least 9,000m this fiscal year, and for that it must be made compulsory for all expeditions to leave their trash on top as well. Any climber bringing rubbish down will be fined, and be asked to go back up and leave the garbage on the summit.This way, we in Nepal can turn our attention to more pressing matters like determining conclusively who discovered gravity.

Gravity, and all that rubbish

<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221107171116/636930239c7e80680e03c0e1jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1200" height="900"/><figcaption>BENADDICT / KECHHA</figcaption></figure>Because of the holidays, many vitally important items of news had to be consigned to the dustbin of history because we skipped an issue last week. We repost below one story that fell between the cracks:Kathmandu Voted Top 10 CityATLANTA – Lonely Planet and CNN have voted Kathmandu Number 5 among Top 10 cities to visit in 2019. (I am not making this up. Google it.) Finally a piece of good news to warm our cockles as winter sets in.But, as long-term residents of Kathmandu, we were surprised to be ranked fifth. We should have been Numero Uno. Look at all our achievements:<ul><li>Nepal posted a 4.6% growth rate in the last fiscal year. Everything grew: the deficit, the concentration of particles below 2.5 microns at Phora, the size of potholes on the Jorpati Road, and according to a news item this week in a prestigious national daily ‘The Illegal Flesh Trade Mushroomed’. (Or was it ‘The Illegal Mushroom Trade Fleshed Out”.) Whatever. Either way there was a 4.6% growth.</li> 	<li>We made it to the Lonely Planet list because Kathmandu offers free mud baths. Just stand on the road divider in Balkhu and wait for a 20 ton truck to rumble over the puddles, and as a premium spa customer, you will be covered from nose to toe in therapeutic clay that used to be a part of Kathmandu Valley’s prehistoric lake bed.</li> 	<li>Government officials in Nepal’s capital are the most relaxed in the world. They never do today what can be done the day after tomorrow.</li> 	<li>Nepal Telecom has some of the lowest tariffs in the world. My bill last month was zero. I couldn’t actually make any calls because the network was always busy.</li> 	<li>The word “no” doesn’t exist in the Nepali vocabulary. We will not refuse anything, even if we do not need it. As long as it is free.</li> 	<li>Visit Nepal: We Have No Secrets. In fact, it is no secret that secret talks are going on in secret at a secret venue to topple the government.</li> 	<li>Nepal is also the most transparent nation on Earth. We don’t even try to hide bribery any more.</li> 	<li>Kathmandu people are the most hygienic in the world because they keep all their orifices squeaky clean by spitting, and picking their ears and noses in public. Our friendly neighbourhood taxi driver has an ear canal that is spotless. However, the same cannot be said of the inside of his cab which has mushrooms growing out of the dashboard.</li></ul>

Kathmandu Top 10 City

<img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221107171116/63692f9e9c7e80680e03c0b5jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1250" height="1266"/>Since we are squeezed for space here this week, let’s get right down to brasstacks.Statistics show Nepalis consume 75% of their annual intake of animal protein and alcohol during Dassain. Proof is the overpowering aroma emanating from the Bagmati in the immediate aftermath of the holidays.Let’s do Dassain different this year. Refuse to buy new clothes, and get into your old pants if you fit in them. Tell noisy neighbours to “go fly a kite”. Be selective, refuse to visit relatives you don’t like. Go to Goa. Better still, emigrate. Goat sacrifices were for single aisle aircraft, Nepal Airlines’ needs water buffalos to attain martyrdom and regain paradise at the nose landing gears of its two brand new widebodies.The gobblement in its infinite wisdom cut holidays this Dassain. Shame on them. Here is one week in a year that we can wallow in sloth, and the spoilsports have decreed that we have to get this paper out. Woe on the workaholics.It’s not that we are less lazy the rest of the year, but Dassain is when we can really let ourselves go to eat goat, drink gin and indulge in national stupefaction. Even though we know this, we sometimes lapse into exertion and toil. Vigilance, that is what is required. Vigilance against hard work.Just look at all the benefits of laziness. We as a people have underestimated the role indolence plays in eradicating corruption and crime. Making people too lazy to steal or rob others should be the aim of all good governance campaigns. There is nothing like a sense of time having stopped to eradicate malfeasance.The National Institute for Lethargy and Inertia has moved swiftly to ensure adequate supplies of goat guts next week so that there is sufficient lassitude to go around.Vigilance squads have already been deputed under the CBI to carry out spot checks at various departments, corporations, public sector enterprises, and our embassies abroad to make sure that no civil servants are sneaking into their offices to actually get some work done in the run-up to the holidays.Police have been told to nab drivers who do not drink. Aware that the whole country will be comatose, the grabberment has given Comrade “Sore Loser” Leftist God the green light to contest Kathmandu-7.It has just come to my notice that I am now too lazy to complete this column. May you all attain nirvana this Dasain: that state of perfect immobility and bliss.

The Goat Rush

A trek is a highly recommended workout in which you will come face-to-face with the exotic realities of a Turd world country.The word ‘trek’ is derived from an Afrikaan word which means: “Carry your body weight and a backpack weighing a ton up and down vertical mountainsides for 10 days, share sleeping quarters with yaks, while attending to calls of nature in the company of friendly local people.”Why we had to import a South African word for the completely indigenous activity of walking from one Nepali village to the next, I have never quite figured out. But I guess the whole philosophy of trekking is to get unsuspecting visitors to pay $140 a day for the masochistic pleasure of inflicting extreme hardship on themselves so that when they return home to their mundane, soulless materialistic existence, it will seem like paradise.Here are some useful tips on the joys of hiking in Nepal and how to make it fulfilling for mind, body and sole:Am I fit? The main pre-requisite to trekking is that you should train yourself in the art of walking straight up and straight down like a gecko. Practice on a wall at home. One month before trek, stop using the lift. Climb 36 floors to your office every day, and use the stairs down. Now multiply this by 10.What should I eat?Muesli. This is what they give mules to eat for breakfast on the Mustang trail so their after-burners can kick in during the steepest inclines, adding critical thrust to propel them over Chuksang Pass in time for lunch. Just ask your mule to share his muesli.Dal-bhat. Tea-shops along the trail have a wide variety of dal-bhat so you never get tired of Nepal’s national dish: dal-bhat with alu, dal-bhat with moolah, dal-bhat with banda, dal-bhat with bodi, dal-bhat with sag, or even dal-bhat with dal-bhat.To level out a steep uphill there is nothing to beat the locally-brewed high-octane apple brandy. Pour a little of this into your and watch yourself fly like the wind, leaving gasping fellow-trekkers in the valley below. (Statutory Govt Health Warning: Hangovers are a pain in the ass.)Is it safe to drink the water?The first rule of thumb is not to drink anything that doesn’t have the mandatory hologram Seal of Approval of the Nepal Bureau of Standards ISO 90002. Adhering to this rule will mean that you will die of thirst on the first day of your trek, therefore exceptions are allowed in emergencies.

So you want to trek?

<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221107161124/6369232a9c7e80680e03a16bjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1400" height="1167"/><figcaption>Diwakar Chettri</figcaption></figure>Nepal may be a small country, but we don’t have small minds. We dream big, mainly because our rulers are day-dreaming a lot. These are vivid hallucinations and extraordinary nightmares which they immediately take to the implementation stage upon waking up.Now that he has met Trump, PM Oli has no time for piddly little things like completing the Melamchi project, fixing the Jorpati-Baudha Swamp, tarmacking the Wring Road at Balkhu, or picking up the garbage in Lagankhel. He is focused on much larger things.Being a country with vibrant crony-Communism, Nepal is poised to take The Greatest Leap Forward So Far into the wild blue yonder with projects Kneejgad International Aeropolis, the Republican Tower, the Trans-Himalayan Bullet Train, East-West MALEV Railway, and the mammoth Gezhouba Dam. The gobblement has decided that Big Is Not Just Beautiful, But Also Rewarding in More Ways Then One.Which is why we do not need any more distractions about Pappu Deconstruction Private Limited not completing the bridge at Tin Kune despite being given an advance of 54 corrodes and 82 lacks. Or, of Lama Erections GMbH not repairing the Nagarkot road for five years. State secret: it is a deliberate government strategy to make Nepal known the world over as challenging proving ground for off-road vehicles and hovercrafts.Being a visionary, the PM gave the Nepal Shipping Corporation the target of sailing a Nepali vessel to Kolkata and back by December. With only two months to go, the Corporation has issued a global tender for a paddle boat.Nepal has also announced plans to send senior comrades from the ruling Communist Party to Mars to plant the hammer and sickle there. Since it is called The Red Planet.

Thinking big

One thing that gets the sharks in gobarment all excited about SAARC Summits is that they can award contracts bypassing and underpassing due process to erect arches heartily welcoming guests to The Country of Marx, Lenin, Mao and Buddha, patch potholes in the middle of rush hour, and paint sidewalk railings in driving rain. The contractors make a killing, and grabberment officials laugh all the way to the ATM.The same is happening this week with the Bifsteak Summit when HOGs (heads of government) hugged each other after descending on us like a ton of bricks. And what a windfall it has been for our national economy. Complete income figures are still being tallied, but Nepal’s Multi-dimensional Poverty Index is estimated to have grown by 0.75 percentiles just on the wealth that has been created by sub-contractors who worked night and day, rain or shine, through hell or high water, to put up corrugated tin fencing around Tin Coonay, adorning it with artistic depictions of the national flower, the knational knife and various endangered wildlife hunted to near extinction. Pity, because if it hadn’t been for the fence visitors could have caught a glimpse of Nepal’s own Bermuda Triangle.The Mandala has been decorated at night with flashing outdoor fairy lighting, which means the City Fathers have finally given a green light to declare it a red light district in honour of the visiting dignitaries.But there was a fly in the oinkment: HOGs didn’t have a venue for their Bifsteak Retreat. There was a strong lobby from certain financiers to have it in Gokarna Forest Resort (Motto: “It is a jungle out here.”)However, given the state of the road, and since the Thai leader is reportedly prone to carsickness, the PMO proposed to fly everyone out on the Army’s MI-17. But despite the proven warhorses being flown by Nepal’s battle-hardened pilots, HOGs all took a rain check, and beat a hasty retreat to Soaltee’s spa where they are taking a collective soak even as we speak.This was really bad news for people living on Sankhu side because they thought that their road would be finally fixed. Now, it looks like they will have to wait 12 more years for the next SAARC Summit for the potholes to be repaired.The important take-away from all this is that Nepal’s economic diplomacy henceforth should concentrate on hosting more international conferences in Nepal (Motto: ‘We Have the Sherpas for Your Summit’) and spread the venues around the country so that all municipalities get a chance to be equally spruced up. Here are some possibilities:<ul> 	<li>World Summit of Rogues and Tyrants</li> 	<li>Asia-Pacific Smugglers Summit</li> 	<li>International Conference on Impact of International Conferences on Climate Change</li> 	<li>South Asian Summit of  Constructive Corruption</li> 	<li>Regional Conference of HOGs Terrorising the Press into Submission</li> 	<li>Summit of Re-aligned Nations</li> 	<li>Shark Summit 2032</li></ul>

Hugging HOGs

Madam Chair, Respected Sofa, Your Loyal Highnesses, Honourable Murderers-at-large, Fellow-skeletons Rattling in the Cabinet, Members of the Premier Gold Smugglers Class, Heroic War Criminals, Chieftains of the Medical-Industrial Complex, Hundi Tycoons, Media Typhoons, Mafia Dons, Organised and Disorganised Criminals Enjoying Political Protection, Revered Blacklisted Contractors, Esteemed Money Launderers, Tax Evaders, Respected Givers and Takers of Kickbacks, Overseers and Undertakers, Venereal Members of the Society of Nepali Intellectuals (Undemocratic), Ex-Cellencies, Adherents of the Journalistic Persuasion, Distinguishable Guests, and Mr Rishi Dhamala. It is both a pleasure and a pain in the ass to be invited here once again to the Reporter’s Pub for the Faeces to Faces Program today to speak to you about how well the country has been doing. Firstly, since I am among fellow-oxymorons here I don’t need to belabour the obvious and waste your and my time speaking about how the country is now embarked upon the glorious path to stability and propensity.Come to think of it, if I don’t need to tell you, then why am I doing just that? This is a question that I often ask myself when I have to attend fora and fauna like these. It has bedevilled me, and I am sure it has bedevilled every Prime Minister of this country since time immemoriam. That is why today I am departing from my prepared English text to speak frankfully and to toot my own trumpet here, if I may.It must be clear to all you political observers, anonymous analyeasts and western diplomatic sources who don’t want to be quoted by name, that despite some impedimentations and difficultivities we are well on track to achieve stabilitude in this country in the not too unforeseeable future. In fact, just this morning while attending to a call from Nature I was temporarily disconnected because Nature as usual wasn’t calling me on my landline, but on Viber. But when we established contact again I was naturally delighted that I had to pay an extra 13% tax for the call. We will use that money to pay for my medical bill in Singapore.  The other sign of the new normal is that garbage is piling up again on the streets. It is a deliberate government policy to scatter trash so that nostalgic residents of the capital don’t forget the good old days. We promised a government that is stable, and we fulfilled it with all this horse manure. You wanted prosperity, and we are on track to manufacture at least 10 more Nepali Forbes billionaires.  Hey, wake up, the speechification is over. Please stand up for the national anthem.

Fora and fauna

Nepal’s only international aviation gateway, at Kathmandu airport, will cut night-time operation hours to allow construction of taxiways, and airlines have been told to curtail flights. This is expected to lead to more than normal chaos during the height of peak autumn and spring tourist seasons at an airport that is congested even at the best of times. The airport will close from 10PM to 8AM from 8 November-31 March 2025. The taxiways will now connect to the thresholds at both ends of the runway, making the airport more efficient in handling higher frequencies of landings and takeoffs. The parallel taxiway extension will allow international flights to land every 4 minutes instead of the current every 7 minutes. At present planes have to wait to land until a plane taking off backtracks along the runway.&nbsp; Kathmandu is Nepal’s only airport with international operations, and it has only one runway that is only one way in from the south over the mountains. With the taxiway improvement, the airport will be able to handle 42 aircraft landings and takeoffs per hour — double the current capacity.&nbsp; The Civil Aviation Authority of Nepal (CAAN) has been trying to entice international airlines to also start flying to and from the other two international airports at Pokhara and Bhairawa (Lumbini) by slashing landing and handling charges. But so far only Nepal Airlines operates a weekly flight to Bhairawa from Kuala Lumpur.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241018161016_046569e53d1d66cd445cc66c697c0ef724810aec9f54bdf827481e3cd6b80c32.jpg" data-media-id="editor_0" data-image-id="20241018161016_046569e53d1d66cd445cc66c697c0ef724810aec9f54bdf827481e3cd6b80c32" data-rendition-name="original" width="2356" height="1134" loading="lazy" alt="Kathmandu airport expansion"> <figcaption>Kathmandu Airport Expansion plan with extension of taxiways to the thresholds of runways 02 and 20 that will limit airport operations from 8 November 2024 - 31 March 2025. Areas in blue are existing structures, including the international terminal which in future will be the domestic airport, and the new international terminal near the north end of the runway,</figcaption> </figure>   <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241018121028_6e17cc2ee87c1b02d78cb54905825b7aa15299b7a00f5eddb01a59579ab85c1a.jpg" data-media-id="editor_1" data-image-id="20241018121028_6e17cc2ee87c1b02d78cb54905825b7aa15299b7a00f5eddb01a59579ab85c1a" data-rendition-name="original" width="1353" height="1328" loading="lazy" alt="Kathmandu airport NT"> </figure>  CAAN has reportedly told international airlines to cut their flight frequency to Kathmandu citing the shorter operation hours and has told budget airlines to shift some of their flights to Pokhara or Bhairawa, or face cuts. Many airlines currently operate regular flights to and from Kathmandu between 10PM and 8AM: Air Arabia to Sharjah, Fly Dubai to Dubai, Jazeera Airways to Kuwait, Cathay Pacific to Hong Kong, Singapore Airlines, several Nepal Airlines flights, and one of four daily flights by Qatar Airways to Doha. Jazeera Airways, FlyDubai, and Thai AirAsia have applied and got permission from CAAN to begin regular flights to Bhairawa’s Gautam Buddha International Airport. Starting 9 November, FlyDubai will start making a stopover in Bhairawa before flying on to Kathmandu. Immigration, customs and security are all fully functional in Bhairawa. In Kathmandu, the next phase of the airport upgrade includes converting the current international terminal for domestic operations, the construction of a new international terminal where the domestic departure area is now, as well as moving the hangars and the Nepal Army Air Wing to the eastern side of the runway. The apron area will also double its parking space for widebody jets. This is part of a Airport Capacity Enhancement Project that was initially funded through a $80 million loan from the Asian Development Bank (ADB), and the entire masterplan is expected to cost $800 million. This project is the latest upgrade to Nepal’s only international airport since it saw its first flight in 1949. The current international and domestic terminals are too small to handle the current annual traffic volume of 8.5 million passengers a year that is growing at 20% a year.

Kathmandu airport to cut flight hours

As Kathmandu becomes more congested and polluted, and with remote online work becoming the norm, many professional Nepalis are planning to retire in Pokhara, or move there.&nbsp; With its stunning mountain panorama, balmy winters and proximity to a profusion of wilderness areas, builders are responding to this demand with new townhouses, housing development and apartments. One such block of flats is the 10-storey <a href="https://sungavaapartment.com/">Sungava Apartment</a> located at Phulbari above the Seti River, near the point where it flows into and under Pokhara. The imposing structure near Manipal Hospital is almost complete, and on a recent visit the site was strewn with huge boulders unearthed while digging the foundation.&nbsp; The Seti brought down these boulders during a gigantic flood that geologists estimate happened 800 years ago when a chunk of Annapurna IV broke off and ploughed into the glacier below. Today, Sungava (means ‘orchid’) sits safely on a high terrace, 100m above the blue-green Seti and commands a view of Dhaulagiri, Annapurna South, Machapuchre, Annapurna III and IV.&nbsp;  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/2024102411104_5f8fc736c86ea3c08d7bef43bb727081d3cc1a2caa55ae2b441717e6044de7e9.jpg" data-media-id="editor_1" data-image-id="2024102411104_5f8fc736c86ea3c08d7bef43bb727081d3cc1a2caa55ae2b441717e6044de7e9" data-rendition-name="original" width="2016" height="1512" loading="lazy" alt="High living below the Himalaya NT"> </figure>  The soil here is conglomerate that has solidified like concrete, and the boulders were extracted by heavy earthmovers. It is intriguing to think that these metamorphic rocks as big as cars, rounded by glacial grinding, were once a part of a much higher Annapurna IV. Even for those with little interest in geology, Sungava is an ideal place to contemplate the tectonic forces that pushed these peaks into the sky to be sculpted into delicate shapes by wind, snow, earthquake and avalanche over millions of years. The view of the Himalayan panorama from Sungava’s many balconies are breathtaking when not obscured by clouds, or the haze that drifts in from across the southern border. On most days, just watching the towering pyramid of Machapuchre (Tamu name: कतासुँ क्लिको) play hide and seek with the clouds is mesmerising. There are rocks aplenty at Phulbari, and it is probably the flowers that grew along the flat terraces e that gave the place its flowery name. The boulders will hopefully be turned into a rock garden while landscaping. An nearby restaurant complex is making the best use of the stones in its design, using flat rocks as outdoor benches and tables. Sungava was designed by the husband-wife architect team of Deepak Sherchan and Jyoti Joshi of <a href="https://thedarkmermaidamarbshrestha.blogspot.com/2013/12/creative-builders-collaborative-cbc.html">Creative Builders Collaborative (CBC)</a>, which also built Heritage Plaza, Indreni Apartment and numerous other projects in Nepal. Sadbhavana retains CBC’s trademark Newari-style masonry and here it borrows from the orange brickwork of the old town of Pokhara, integrating it with modern design elements. A few of those heritage houses are still standing in Ganesh Tole and Ram Krishna Tole in Pokhara’s old quarter.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/2024102411108_5eb64a4885961b6d30781cefeb1e8a313da313ac5227c7a66b60f0c7d48d6fab.jpg" data-media-id="editor_3" data-image-id="2024102411108_5eb64a4885961b6d30781cefeb1e8a313da313ac5227c7a66b60f0c7d48d6fab" data-rendition-name="original" width="1362" height="595" loading="lazy" alt="High living below the Himalaya NT"> </figure>  About 400m from the apartment past a bend on the river, and down below three tiers of terraces in the canyon is a suspension bridge. Below it, the Seti is still swollen with post-monsoon flow as it tumbles away in a hurry to head down south.&nbsp; Back at the apartment, it is quiet, far away from the hubbub of Lakeside a 15 minute drive away, and in the lap of greenery. There are 52 units at Sungava and it already has a close-knit prospective community of professionals, including doctors, publishers, engineers, and businesspeople from the renewable energy and IT sectors.&nbsp; Some residents say they opted for a second home in Pokhara to make it a ‘base camp’ to explore the Annapurnas with its many hiking trails made newly accessible with new roads. With the NRN citizenship law, overseas Nepalis can now also buy the flats. &nbsp; The floor plans include options for north and south-facing 3-bedroom apartments with verandas, and the facility has underground parking has EV charging, heated pool, sauna and gym. There are still some unsold apartments with panoramic views of the mountains and one can imagine oneself at the kitchen with its huge window, humming a ditty while preparing breakfast: “खाना पकाउँ हिमाल हेरेर...”

High living below the Himalaya

When the United Nations held its Summit of the Future at its headquarters in New York in September, many world leaders, including Nepal’s Prime Minister K P Oli, highlighted the effect of climate breakdown in increasing the frequency and intensity of natural disasters. What did not get as much attention was the long term impact of the climate crisis on food production. In fact, heat stress, weather extremes and the consequences on rain-fed agriculture is already being felt worldwide, undermining the chances of the <a href="https://unstats.un.org/sdgs/">UN’s Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs)</a> being met by 2030.&nbsp; The SDG’s 17 targets commit countries like Nepal to reduce poverty and inequality, end malnutrition, protect the natural environment, and ensure that citizens all enjoy health, justice and prosperity without leaving anyone behind.&nbsp; However, besides the impact of climate breakdown on agricultural production, in Nepal the area under cultivation is impacted by urban expansion, falling productivity and the need for expensive inputs like fertiliser and pesticides.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241019041052_626413c5baf4dae407ac9579231b41daeb51510aa636b75aeb7489d94cca6a62.jpg" data-media-id="editor_1" data-image-id="20241019041052_626413c5baf4dae407ac9579231b41daeb51510aa636b75aeb7489d94cca6a62" data-rendition-name="original" width="999" height="1500" loading="lazy" alt="urban agriculture in Kathmandu"> <figcaption>Kathmandu's urban sprawl is eating into its fertile cultivable lands. Photo: TAYLOR MASON</figcaption> </figure>  Now, a new study led by Nepali researcher Prajal Pradhan at the University of Groningen in The Netherlands looks at how urban agriculture may offer a solution to falling food production and meeting SDG targets. The researchers evaluated 1,450 publications exploring the contributions of urban agriculture with both positive and negative effects, and published their findings in the journal Cells Report Sustainability. Urban agriculture can help achieve 17 SDGs, positively influencing 81 targets. However, it could also undermine 51 goals.&nbsp; Read also: <a href="https://nepalitimes.com/here-now/the-vanishing-land">The vanishing land</a>, Taylor Mason “Urban agriculture offers immense potential for sustainable development, but realising this potential depends crucially on adopting practices that minimise its adverse effects while maximising its benefits,” Pradhan explains. Urban agriculture can substantially enhance urban food security, provide employment to the urban poor, serve as ground water recharge in built-up areas, and preserve open spaces that can serve as safe havens during disasters like earthquakes. However, it also presents problems like the potential health risks from contamination and the need for expensive inputs. &nbsp; “Urban agriculture plays a definitive role in advancing the SDGs, but achieving this requires tailored, context-specific solutions that address the unique challenges of different regions,” says Yuanchao Hu of Wuhan University in China and who is a researcher at the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research. “But it needs equitable access and rigorous management of environmental risks.”&nbsp; Rapid urbanisation is eating into Nepal’s most fertile agricultural land, which means farming in remaining open spaces inside cities can be a viable alternative, especially as food prices rise.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241019041052_7b7c9413086226fbdc630d45acf772cfa1ced77a8970b9056ec5ec7e5226fdf8.jpg" data-media-id="editor_3" data-image-id="20241019041052_7b7c9413086226fbdc630d45acf772cfa1ced77a8970b9056ec5ec7e5226fdf8" data-rendition-name="original" width="1500" height="999" loading="lazy" alt="urban agriculture in Kathmandu"> <figcaption>A vegetable patch in between new houses in Thimi. Photo: TAYLOR MASON</figcaption> </figure>  “The conversion of Nepal’s most fertile land into cities is a severe problem,” Pradhan told Nepali Times. “Crop cultivation, horticulture, agroforestry, beekeeping, livestock rearing, or aquaculture can all be farming activities within and around cities.”&nbsp; The study makes recommendations for sustainable practices that build on the positive aspects of urban agriculture while mitigating the downsides, thereby promoting more resilient cities in future. Research shows that urban agriculture has been helping many countries attain SDG targets by enhancing food security and biodiversity while helping education and preservation of open spaces.&nbsp; Indeed, many farmers from the hinterland who have settled in Kathmandu Valley or other urban areas of the country have been practicing urban agriculture, leasing neighbourhood patches or cultivating roof gardens both out of necessity because of inflation and falling income to grow their own food, and also as a fulfilling hobby. Saurav Dhakal, a sustainability advocate with Story Cycle and now research fellow at the Asian Institute of Technology in Thailand, says there are socio-economic and environmental benefits of urban agriculture. “It provides benefits to all urban dwellers, regardless of their income status,” says Dhakal, “families get fresh food, and there are many other benefits like water retention, heat regulation and biodiversity. These are all public goods, so special government incentives may be needed.” It is not unusual to see vegetable patches and even paddy fields within inner city Kathmandu where an older generation of farmers are using available fertile land and <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/Nepali-Times-Buzz/rooftop-gardens-kathmandu,1415">roof gardens to produce fresh, nutritious food </a>to reduce their dependence on food items that have to be bought after being trucked in from large distances.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/2024101905100_1291ce98dbbb8caed8702ac4b1d469b3e13016d7ecaaf3bfd5f91c974d3c0c77.jpg" data-media-id="editor_5" data-image-id="2024101905100_1291ce98dbbb8caed8702ac4b1d469b3e13016d7ecaaf3bfd5f91c974d3c0c77" data-rendition-name="original" width="1500" height="999" loading="lazy" alt="urban agriculture in Kathmandu"> <figcaption>An older generation of farmers are using any available fertile land to continue farming but it is getting more and more difficult. Photo: TAYLOR MASON </figcaption> </figure>  Nepal’s urban population grew rapidly from only 3.6% in 1991 to 25% today. There is large outmigration from the mountains to peri-urban areas of the Tarai, to Kathmandu Valley and Pokhara, with many young men then moving abroad for work. Kathmandu Valley’s population has swelled to nearly 3 million, and is growing at 6.5% a year. Dilip Shrestha, 71, used to work for Nepal Food Corporation, so he knew firsthand about inflation, shortages and vegetables with pesticide residue. So, when he designed his new house in Kathmandu, he built a spacious roof where he grows cucumber, ginger, garlic, coriander, onions, tomatoes, chili, beans, okra, pumpkin and lettuce. His family eats healthier, and he has reduced dependence on the market.&nbsp; The co-author of the Cell Reports Sustainability journal article, Daya Raj Subedi who is a PhD candidate at Beijing Forestry University, says urban agriculture also promotes inclusion and psycho-social wellbeing.&nbsp; He says, “A crucial finding of the study is the identification of opportunities and challenges associated with urban agriculture, it can promote sustainable transformation of society.” In Banepa, 55-year-old Bijaya Manandhar in her lifetime has watched the fertile farms of her neighbourhood that used to supply vegetables to Kathmandu, now completely built up with no open space left. The pandemic lockdown prompted her to turn to the family’s <a href="https://nepalitimes.com/banner/rooftop-agriculture-on-the-roof-of-the-world">ancestral livelihood by growing food</a> not on terrace farms, but on the roof terrace. Manandhar is now a part of <a href="https://nepalitimes.com/banner/rooftop-agriculture-on-the-roof-of-the-world%5C%5C">कौसी खेती र करेसाबारी क्रान्ती</a> (Rooftop Farming and Garden Revolution) which has an online membership of 52,000, and awards annual prizes to women who excel in urban agriculture.&nbsp;  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241019041052_7257f5def8f823f35a799fa6f6825e153f2ffa406ac11325d4fe74049b79e96d.jpg" data-media-id="editor_8" data-image-id="20241019041052_7257f5def8f823f35a799fa6f6825e153f2ffa406ac11325d4fe74049b79e96d" data-rendition-name="original" width="1600" height="736" loading="lazy" alt="urban agriculture in Kathmandu"> <figcaption>Rooftop farming is gaining popularity as a form of urban agriculture. </figcaption> </figure>   <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241019041052_beff1a4494ce896dd8fd383ee1f518e5448bcf7ea8bb138255391c7bcb9769ed.jpg" data-media-id="editor_9" data-image-id="20241019041052_beff1a4494ce896dd8fd383ee1f518e5448bcf7ea8bb138255391c7bcb9769ed" data-rendition-name="original" width="4000" height="3000" loading="lazy" alt="urban agriculture in Kathmandu"> </figure>  Pradhan says the challenge now is to upscale such examples of successful urban agricultural practices so they support Neal’s efforts to meet SDG targets. He adds, “Crop cultivation around cities can be protected by land use plans and regulations. Promoting community-based agriculture, including rooftop gardens, requires community engagement and public-private partnerships across the food value chain.”&nbsp; Such support would accelerate the popularity of existing rooftop farming and community gardens in Kathmandu Valley, or kitchen garden initiatives in Pokhara, and building on traditional farming practices that are preserved and integrated into urban settings like in Bhaktapur and Banepa. In Lalitpur, the Women Entrepreneurship Facilitation Center promotes urban farming enhancing both sustainability and empowerment.&nbsp; Another co-author of the report, Yuanchao Hu from China says followup research of the team will aim to identify good practices in local urban agriculture practices. He adds, “There are examples of urban agriculture that optimise sustainability, ensuring that it remains a viable solution for cities globally while countries try to meet SDG targets.” Prajal Pradhan, Daya Raj Subedi, Kshitij Dahal, Yuanchao Hu, Prakriti Gurung, Sijal Pokharel, Sagar Kafle, Biplav Khatri, Sudeeksha Basyal, Monika Gurung, and Aruna Joshi. Urban Agriculture matters for sustainable development. Cell Reports Sustainability, 1:100217, 2024. [DOI: 10.1016/j.crsus.2024.100217] Prajal Pradhan (<a href="mailto:p.pradhan@rug.nl">p.pradhan@rug.nl</a>) This article is brought to you by <a href="https://nepalitimes.com/" target="_blank">Nepali Times</a>, in collaboration with <a href="https://inpsjapan.com/en/" target="_blank">INPS Japan</a> and <a href="https://sgi-peace.org/" target="_blank">Soka Gakkai International</a>, in consultative status with UN ECOSOC.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20240630110640_30c3782f9c09219bf1c249b51483a3cfb7a53a06d117d2aebd23ca7080d12758.jpg" data-media-id="editor_14" data-image-id="20240630110640_30c3782f9c09219bf1c249b51483a3cfb7a53a06d117d2aebd23ca7080d12758" data-rendition-name="original" width="680" height="103" loading="lazy" alt="SDG logo"> </figure>

Back to the land in the cities

The 700-year-old Lakshmi Narasingha temple in Bhaktapur houses a rare half-lion and half-human incarnation of Lord Vishnu carrying the Goddess Lakshmi. The temple was destroyed in the 1934 mega earthquake that killed 10,000 people and destroyed many monuments in Kathmandu Valley. It was rebuilt by a German project in the 1980s, but as a single-storey structure instead of its original two-tier pagoda design.&nbsp; With new findings from in-depth research, Bhaktapur municipality began re-restoring the temple in 2021, preserving its original architecture.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241017131016_2fae38cce543ad7b1f6de632feb3e212e08ed1acedd747830e949d7b8e878f18.jpg" data-media-id="editor_0" data-image-id="20241017131016_2fae38cce543ad7b1f6de632feb3e212e08ed1acedd747830e949d7b8e878f18" data-rendition-name="original" width="2048" height="1365" loading="lazy" alt="In with the old in Nepal NT"> </figure>  “Our temples and heritage sites hold deep meaning. It is disheartening to witness how often they lose their original elements, whether by design or accident,” explains Kumar Chawal of the Consumer Committee of Bhaktapur. “There is a need to preserve our architecture and protect its historical value for future generations. Otherwise, we risk losing a vital part of our identity.” The Laksmi Narsingha restoration is similar to the Bhai Dega temple in Patan Darbar Square which also collapsed in 1934, but was rebuilt with a Moghul-style dome by the Rana government at the time. Only two months before the 2015 earthquake, heritage conservationists had started to rebuild Bhai Dega as the original three-tier based on early photographs. But priorities shifted when four other temples in the square were brought down by the 7.8M earthquake on 25 April 2015.&nbsp;  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241017131016_697ea707d9ad163be5de5f2efbf5b70d3cab771adcc22f0fae6bf937c6cb0130.jpg" data-media-id="editor_1" data-image-id="20241017131016_697ea707d9ad163be5de5f2efbf5b70d3cab771adcc22f0fae6bf937c6cb0130" data-rendition-name="original" width="2048" height="1365" loading="lazy" alt="In with the old in Nepal NT"> </figure>  This showed how damage to monuments in Kathmandu Valley spanned from one earthquake to the next. Bhai Dega restoration remains half-complete to this day because money for its restoration ran out.&nbsp; Whereas Bhai Dega restoration was done by the Kathmandu Valley Preservation Trust with grants from western embassies and international foundations, in Bhaktapur it is the municipality itself that allocated the Rs30.7 million needed to restore the Lakshmi Narasingha temple. The expected date of completion is early 2025. The municipality and local communities are focusing on two main aspects: preserving the past and promoting localisation. The restoration team has designed a blueprint for the temple by using historical photographs and insights from older generations.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241017131016_182882fdc393c99e70d1d0490319e415229563666c4934e3a582426ebf00ca30.jpg" data-media-id="editor_2" data-image-id="20241017131016_182882fdc393c99e70d1d0490319e415229563666c4934e3a582426ebf00ca30" data-rendition-name="original" width="1200" height="560" loading="lazy" alt="In with the old in Nepal NT"> </figure>  “At first, the Lakshmi Narasingha temple had only one entrance, but during the demolition process, we uncovered the foundations of four doors. Now, we are restoring all of them. This is an example of how our ancient structures have changed over time, often without our knowledge,” says Chawal. “Constructing temples is not like building houses. They carry historical and spiritual values, which is why they hold a special place in our hearts,” he adds. By replicating ancient design elements and rebuilding the temple as accurately as possible to its original form, the team has stayed true to Bhaktapur’s soul. But the restoration also revived ancient techniques that were in danger of being forgotten, generating employment for woodcarvers, masons, and contractors. The community of Bhaktapur’s Gahiti neighbourhood near the famous Nyatapola Temple has also set aside specific days for locals to volunteer in the reconstruction work. This has encouraged young people to take pride in ownership of their heritage. Families have also supported the effort by donating funds for bells, the temple pinnacle, and other structural features to the temple.  <figure> <img src="https://publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/pb-nepalitimes/swp/asv65r/media/20241017131016_db850ec0c084cdbe54f65bee92dad2ad8122d20fd60ec87ec086fbb9d2f72bd6.jpg" data-media-id="editor_3" data-image-id="20241017131016_db850ec0c084cdbe54f65bee92dad2ad8122d20fd60ec87ec086fbb9d2f72bd6" data-rendition-name="original" width="2048" height="1365" loading="lazy" alt="In with the old in Nepal NT"> </figure>  “I feel at peace knowing I have contributed my sweat to restoring this temple,” said one volunteer. “It is our duty to preserve our temples and heritage. The Nyatapola area will look magical once this temple is completed.” Community mobilisation is a long-standing tradition in Bhaktapur. In the past, locals have actively participated in the restoration of other temples in the city, such as Bhairav and Nyatapola fostering a strong sense of ownership. This collective engagement has not only been crucial in preserving the city's historical monuments but also in strengthening the bond between local communities and their heritage, says officials at the municipality. While securing funding is essential, and the municipality showed it values heritage conservation, the Lakshmi Narasingha restoration is proof that active involvement and sense of responsibility of the local community is as important, if not more. Local involvement also means that the monuments will be cared for into the future, When locals take ownership of these efforts, the restored monuments are not only protected in the present but are also cared for in the future.

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