<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221114101136/63720c889c7e80680e0b7875jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1053" height="1012"/><figcaption>Photo: PRATIBHA TULADHAR</figcaption></figure>On nights when things got unbearable, Laxmi Maya always stepped out of the house in the quiet of the night. There was nowhere to go, really, but the <a href="http://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id=7121#.YiRUsy8w3u0" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">gully</a>. The gully or galli, as she said it, was the long tunnel that went from under the house on the main street into a courtyard where one of the four houses flanking the square, brick-paved space, was hers. Her husband’s family’s rather.The bickering over the house had gone on for so long. Every few weeks, government officials showed up at her threshold, and asked her innumerable questions. Where was the infamous husband? “I don’t know,” was Laxmi Maya’s consistent answer.As time went by, she had learned to say those words without at all batting an eyelid. And as she said it on repeat, the words became more believable to the government officials, as they did to her. She had started to believe she had no idea about his whereabouts.In her mind, Calcutta was a distant country of which she did not know anything. She did not know what its streets or nooks looked like or how the tram she had heard about operated. And so knowing that her husband was in Calcutta was tantamount to not knowing where he was. So, her statement was not entirely false.Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/coping-with-the-patriarchy/">Coping with patriarchy</a>, Bhumi GhimiréThe government officials always appeared in a pair. Laxmi Maya would hurry upstairs to her baiga after asking them to sit down on the wicker mats and quickly poach two eggs and pour a dash of aeila into little copper kholas and present them before the men.“So you do not know where your husband is?” one of them would ask between taking a sip.“I don’t,” she would say quietly.“We are only letting you live in this house because you have three small children. By law, he is banished and so everything he owns is now government property, we hope you know.”“I know, Sarkar. But this house was given to me in dowry by my father,” Laxmi Maya would lie again. It had become a drill.Promptly, the officers would leave after polishing off their snack, setting in motion for Laxmi Maya, the wait for another such visit.Did she miss the husband? She could not say. His presence had been punctuated by his time spent with the dancers, or neighbourhood events from where he always came away as the feared. What was there to miss of such a man, besides moments of imagined intimacy when his limbs were hers to hold? She wondered, had she been a dancer, would it also have kept him from straying? Yes, they said he had strayed.Read also: <a style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.01em;" href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/nepals-unequal-marriages/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Nepal's unequal marriages</a>, Anjana RajbhandaryBut the women in her clan did not dance. They had not been taught to. Dancing, they said, was for women who were “loose”. They had taught her to speak softly, tread softer and to hold her tongue and restrict her movements to grace. That was who she was-- all those things they said she should be.<img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221114101136/63720c8a9c7e80680e0b7876jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="126" height="150">Standing in the darkness of the galli, Laxmi Maya often felt streams of hot tears soak her face. She had never learned to cry before others, so the quiet of the night was a good time. On one such night, she had seen rows of carriages go by, carrying large boxes. They were followed by rumours that the Ranas were getting their belongings removed to India because some kind of revolution was afoot to throw them off. They said that was why the king had left for India.Tonight, though, there was no such activity. It was quiet. As Laxmi Maya stood there, tears finding their way down her jaw, she thought she saw a light flicker near the Naradevi temple. It was followed by the clanking of a door and then of ghangala, the bunch of bells worn by the goddess. Wafting in with the sound was the goddess herself, stepping out of her temple, draped in a long red frock, a <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/getting-behind-the-divine-mask/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">mask</a> on her face. As the deity started doing the familiar dance, lilting her hands in the air, feet shuffling, Laxmi Maya froze, but her tears ran down in thick rivulets. She stared in awe and trembled.…“The wedding was fun?”“The ratyauli was fun.”“The what?”“Yes. Ratyauli. I had heard about it but never seen one before,” says Mamu.I ask her to explain, but she says she cannot because it would embarrass us both. She will not divulge any detail, but tells me how she felt a tinge of envy that <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/parodying-patriarchy-at-tij/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">women had the liberty</a> to engage in that kind of lewd talk without being judged while singing and dancing and acting.Read also: <a style="font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 0.01em;" href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/boys-will-be-boys-is-never-an-excuse/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Boys will be boys is never an excuse</a>, Anjana Rajbhandary“How come women in our community don’t dance?” I ask.“We have the gods and the goddess, the masked dancers,” she says.“But they are all men wearing masks,” I remind her. Then Mamu goes on to explain how apart from the Jyapu community, women from other clans had never been given that kind of freedom.“Don’t you think that is so unfair? Taking the right from you to revel, to be in tune with your own body. When else do you explore the joy of being in your body as you do with dancing? It is so much to take away from a woman.”“I don’t know, I never thought about it. My movements don’t sync and so I don’t dance.”Mamu often sits in a corner watching others dance. When asked to dance, she will sometimes try, but her footwork never matches her hand gestures or the music: “I guess, I just watch people dance.”Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/editorial/patriarchy-in-an-oligarchy/">Patriarchy in an oligarchy</a>, Editorial…Dance! My senior, who is having a “ragging” session with me, orders. Do the twist, she says, and sings a Rafi number. What is a twist, I wonder. She says, if you do not obey your seniors, you measure the entire campus with a one rupee coin. In my heart, I wished I could just dance and get over it. But I can’t. Like Mamu, my feet are wooden, too. I just stand there, my face burning in shame and fury.Here, she says. Take this coin and now go measure the entire place with it.As I bend down at her feet and place the coin on the ground, I wish I could have told her I cannot dance because women in my community <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/letter-to-a-nepali-aunty/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">are not expected to dance</a>. But saying that, would also require a dance-- of the tongue. So, I bend down and start flipping the coin inch by inch across the campus.Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/anger-management-for-nepali-women/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Feel angry? read this</a>, Anjana RajbhandarySuburban Tales is a monthly column in Nepali Times based on real people (with some names changed) in Pratibha’s life.

Pratibha Tuladhar

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The light of feet

<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221114091156/6372031e9c7e80680e0b27efjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1920" height="1166"/><figcaption></figcaption></figure>Dear Y,You must have heard by now— Aji is no more. They took her to hospital in the middle of the night after she complained of chest pain and she passed away at around 4AM. Yesterday, Aji had been calling up everyone, apparently, and seemed perfectly alright. Her passing was sudden. I hope it was peaceful for her.It has been very hard for Maa. She is always <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/be-water/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">talking about her childhood</a> with Aji when we are together-- everything she does is punctuated by family anecdotes now. She says she feels like her childhood has been lost forever with Aji’s passing-- she was the last remaining to witness childhoods in Maa’s generation.All the children in the family grew up together. They were in a joint family before they built the new house in the front and the two brothers decided to become separate nuclear families. Before that, everyone lived in the old house, and all the girls slept on one floor and the boys on another. Parents on different floors. Also, I have never understood how the two ajis birthed so many children and still carried on with life.Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/of-anger-and-love/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Of anger and love</a>, Pratibha TuladharThey were very close, the two ajis. People always said they were like sisters and not sisters-in-law. They depended on one another for everything. It must have been an alliance of comfort. Two women from two completely different families, united by their marriages, united by the kitchen they shared and the clothes they washed together and the aela they brewed together, no?When we were kids, they used to go shopping together. To New Road and Asan. I think they always started from New Road and the spree ended with a stop at Sweet Valley Indian eatery in Ratna Park. From there, they took a taxi home. As kids, we used to wait for them eagerly because the day they went shopping, we would always get a samosa each and nimkis and a barfee. Now, I think back and I imagine two excited women in their 40s, stopping with their many shopping bags at the Indian eatery to slurp down sweet milky syrups after gobbling down the <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/hitting-the-sweet-spot-this-tihar/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">mithai</a> and digging their fingers into dosas, as they chatted about their expenses.Also, as a child I did not realise ajis were sisters-in-law. I think I was used to thinking of them as two elderly women who always did everything together. They were always buying lots of sarees, too. I have no idea, for what joy! Chirikama Aji also had these hobbies-- she would ask the children to paint her nails or to braid her hair. She liked to nap during the day and wake up to a snack of fruits and then order other people around the house.Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/sita/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sita</a>, Pratibha TuladharThey were matriarchs in their own ways, you see? They handled finances and brought up half a dozen children each, like it was a fun thing to do. But the men in that house failed them, I think.I have never really been able to figure out all the property wars they had in that house. I lived there more than I lived with my father’s family, so some memories are so vivid to me. It all began with a wall coming up swiftly in the centre of the courtyard. When the school bus dropped us home one evening, we were told to use the back door to enter, and not the front gate.From being one home, we went to becoming two families. Suddenly, the elders were not talking to one another, relatives had started taking sides. Nothing made sense to me as a kid. Only, that the courtyard where we played marbles and hopscotch was suddenly divided by a wall and none of our games would be the same anymore. Schools were changed. But at that time, I probably grieved the swing-- which was now on the other side of the wall-- the most.As years passed, distances started to fade and people came back together for weddings and funerals. But the awkwardness stayed in some ways. I have often wondered how it might have affected the two ajis who went from being best friends to being confined to two different sides of a wall because their husbands decided not to speak to each other.Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/vagina-conversations/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Vagina conversations</a>, Pratibha TuladharAs I watched others bend down turn-wise to touch late Aji’s feet, I wondered about all those fights. I wonder what her thoughts had been on those events. No one talks about these things, you know? We now go about as if nothing ever happened.When I went forward to touch her feet, I noted her nails were painted bright red-- her fingers were so cold. Then I noticed that in the hall, on a table, bouquets had been laid out. Not fancy ones, just wild bunches. They were lying on a pale pink table cloth. I recognised it instantly.The two ajis had made it together. I recall them looking at a catalogue and following every step carefully. They had removed the threads in rows and then sewn them back in to make patterns on the cross-stitch fabric. So delicate, it strained their eyes. I felt like their stories must have converged when doing that kind of work. And it was when I was staring at that table cloth that my eyes welled up.When I go to funerals, I feel like I do not know how to react to the loss. I guess I was mourning the loss of a friendship the two women had shared. Such a big impact the decisions made by the patriarchs had on all our lives. I guess they were only matriarchs in the space that they had created for one another-- such a remarkable gift to give a sister.Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/suburban-tales/wine-and-women-during-yenya/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Wine and women during Yenya</a>, Pratibha TuladharThe two ajis died twelve years apart, but in the same week. Maybe January was their favourite month.Just a long, rambling piece of family history for you. Speak soon.Love,SSuburban Tales is a monthly column in Nepali Times based on real people (with some names changed) in Pratibha’s life.

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A letter to a sister

<figure><img width="3133" height="1879" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110161128/636d18c99c7e80680e0ac7e3jpeg.jpg" alt=""/><figcaption>Photo: #ajhaikatisahane</figcaption></figure>On 10 October 2020, the #ajhaikatisahane movement went <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/latest/social-movement-through-social-media/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">viral on social media</a> and gained attention like we were hoping it would. In the weeks before it, public outrage had grown in response to the rape cases in Bajhang and Bhaktapur. It was crucial for such scrutiny of the government, and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/more-anti-government-rallies-in-nepal/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">outrage against its failure in the investigation</a> of the cases. But the movement was overtaken by demands for capital punishment.  The #ajhaikatisahane movement brought to light the social, legal and moral grounds on why the death penalty is not a solution for such heinous crimes, as well as demands including the need for gender-neutral definitions and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/latest/the-human-cost-of-nepals-political-deadlock/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">punishment to mediators in cases of rape</a>. Forming and being a part of this team required people with aligning views on capital punishment, determination to take the risks, and most importantly, the ability to maintain solidarity for what lay ahead. For many of us in the team, it was our first experience participating in a street demonstration, and we were surprised by the outcome. After a flash mob at Maitighar, we saw hundreds of instant shares on social media, and  we started getting approached by people in positions of power with whom we were able to voice our concerns. The movement received widespread support and appreciation but also criticism, with some limiting our efforts to just a performance. Comments included labelling us as ‘सडकमा नाच्दैमा बलात्कार रोकिएलार ?', चटकीहरु चटक देखाउँछन्', 'डलरडानस' (‘Will street dancing stop rape? Magicians’ tricks, Dollar Dance). There seemed to be a general misunderstanding of people towards initiatives led by young women. Shockingly, such reaction was not restricted to a few individuals on social media sites but even public officials and political leaders who flippantly passed judgement about what we wore and our street performances. They completely overlooked our efforts in coordinating the movement in creative ways. More so, such insensitive remarks only strengthened our resolve and convinced us that the struggle was not just against the perpetrators but the society at large, which is still guided by patriarchal beliefs and values. The freedom of women in our societies <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/two-decades-of-debate-on-female-migration/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">has been curtailed</a> for centuries, and their leadership questioned. Ironically, it is even more pronounced when <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/turning-outrage-into-justice/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">women rebel to gain control </a>over rights and decisions. One need not look too far for examples. The government has time and again turned a blind eye to the status of women in the <a href="http://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id=17546#.YW0oZi8w3u0" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Badi community</a>. It has also largely ignored women’s fight for <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/nepal-waits-for-an-unequal-citizenship-law/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">equal citizenship rights</a>,  justifying the blatant discriminatory provisions with nationalism. When <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/worldwide-womens-activist/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">women activists</a> come out, they need to fight not just for the issue that they have raised, but also be prepared to face a backlash they will most likely receive because they have broken the gender norms and societal expectations. Taking activism to the streets is already a struggle on its own. And while the street is only one of the platforms for protests, it is a powerful one. From the Green Wave Protest in Argentina to the Aurat March in Pakistan, such street rallies have played a significant role in initiating discourse, and sometimes also bringing about social reform and legal changes. It takes courage to defend the cause through street protests in a society that <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/coping-with-the-patriarchy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">expects women to stay put</a>. And at times I myself felt exhausted, the path ahead to achieve social justice seemed full of obstacles because we were discouraged and belittled at every step. Women are doubly tested and face many more hurdles than their male counterparts. It is visible not just when they take to the streets but also in decision-making, where <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/women-leaders-seen-but-not-heard/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">women politicians</a> are mostly relegated to ceremonial positions despite their potential. Misogynistic remarks often by sitting ministers and politicians, including those questioning a woman’s morals, are proof that women are still not treated as equal citizens despite the state’s claims of being progressive. While fighting a bigger fight, women are already exhausted halfway trying to establish their credibility, and this makes the entire process of demanding justice and change much more infuriating.  The struggle for justice in individual cases therefore has to go hand-in-hand with the struggle to change public perception of women in leadership, and the form of protest they chose for their activism.  It is not enough to see young women activists as leaders of tomorrow. Their presence, contribution and significance have to be acknowledged today.Sagoon Bhetwal is a final year student of Social Sciences at Kathmandu’s National College. <img width="89" height="109" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110161128/636d18cc9c7e80680e0ac7e4jpeg.jpg" alt="">Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/latest/protesting-to-protect-the-right-to-protest/">Social movement through social media</a>, Diya Rijal

Protesting to protect the right to protest

<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110161128/636d18c29c7e80680e0ac7e1jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="5616" height="3744"/><figcaption>Photo: MONIKA DEUPALA</figcaption></figure>If you are a woman, it is easy to get angry. If you are a Nepali woman, it is even easier to get mad at cultural norms and societal pressures that have become an unnecessary constant in your life.Despite our progress, women are made to feel like they are there to serve the men, many of whom speak of gender, class or ethnic equality but <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/epidemic-of-online-sexism/">rarely apply it to their lives</a>.For example, it is pointless trying to convince a man that it is not an insult to his manhood to prepare a cup of tea for you. Alternatively, when was the last time your <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/boys-will-be-boys-is-never-an-excuse/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">older brother or husband</a> brought you a cup of tea when you came home tired from work?I have held on to years of frustration and anger within me, and talking to other women, I realised that they do as well. It is terrible to constantly feel negative emotions because it affects our physical health and our overall well-being.When I was younger, I vented out my anger a lot but over the years, it has adversely affected my relationships with people. My inability to let go has affected my life quality and the time spent with my loved ones.Early on in life, I learned that it is better to <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/staying-mum-about-sexual-assault/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">speak up</a> about the issues bothering you than holding them in. But I misinterpreted it so that I started to express my frustration over minor problems instead of thinking about them critically.When I asked others for help, they told me not to get angry, which made me angrier because I already knew that. I didn’t want to be angry, but I needed to learn how not to be.I once met this wise person who told me that there is nothing wrong with anger, that it is normal — but it is how we express the anger that makes a difference.Having been angry for years, he told me that I would not stop at will, but it was possible to change. He told me to think about a few things when I get angry, which can be challenging in the heat of the moment, so I decided to write them down to look at when I get mad.“Ask if it is worth it.”“How is this anger benefitting me now?”“Do not react, no matter how mad you feel—hold it in and be patient.”“Put your phone away.”We have all become more impulsive about the need to express anger. In this digital world, it means expressing it via instant messages or social media, angry Tweets that you cannot take back.I thought holding things in was a sign of weakness, but sometimes it is a sign of intelligence.Often, I have regretted the things said and texted when I was angry. So, practicing patience is one of the best pieces of advice for anger management. It allows me to feel anger but not react until I have cooled down. Generally, things don’t seem as awful after you give it time.This is not me saying to hold things in, but it is always best not to react in the heat of the moment when things usually come out wrong. It is also not about letting all the anger go, but analysing it to see why it bothers you so much.Anger is oftentimes hidden sadness, and as such, I thought of it as my strength. But I have hurt too many people in the process, so I am trying to rid myself of this habit.So now, whenever I get angry, I look at my notes and wait. It is difficult, but I do it because it is the best way to approach anger. I take it one day at a time, and it works.I am still working on not reacting unnecessarily to people but giving myself time to see if what caused the anger is worth it, and the truth is, it never is. In the past, I used to realise it too late, but not anymore.It will take a long time for our society and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/coping-with-the-patriarchy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">its patriarchal ways</a> to change. In the meantime, we cannot afford to lose more of ourselves and our ability to reason by giving into negative emotions. Change comes from within and from a mind at peace.That is why the first step is to channel the energy productively. We need to be mature about this and know which emotions to express and which ones to hold in.When I feel myself boiling inside, I wait, breathe, and pray for the strength to let go of the anger that benefits no one. I am working on controlling my anger rather than letting it control me. It is the best present I can give myself this Festive season.

Anjana Rajbhandary

Feel angry? Read this.

<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141132/636cfdb09c7e80680e0a0bfbjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="910" height="607"/><figcaption></figcaption></figure>A few months ago, a friend of mine finally left an unhappy marriage after years of struggle. Her husband was emotionally and mentally abusive, but she was expected to be patient and tolerant like a good Nepali wife and daughter-in-law. She also had to put up with his <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/Nepali-Times-Buzz/Cheating,2375" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">wandering ways</a>.When she mustered up enough courage to tell her parents about it, they told her he would change if she worked on her marriage. When her in-laws found out about her son, they blamed her, saying she was not a good enough wife.But after years of working on her marriage unsuccessfully, and with support from her parents, she decided it was time to <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/nation/%20number-of-nepali-women-filing-for-divorce-rises,1513" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">call it quits</a>. But this decision was met with harsh criticism, people called her an “embarrassment to the family” for leaving her husband.How is her walking away from an unhappy union and an abusive husband a disgrace to our culture, but not <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/Nepali-Times-Buzz/cheating-is-a-choice-not-a-mistake,2148" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">his cheating</a>? Why is she being called names, but her husband’s philandering does not even raise an eyebrow?Our society accepts these double standards with closed eyes. Men and boys get away with doing whatever they want, no one bats an eyelash. But if a woman or girl chooses to prioritise her well-being over ill-treatment in her own family, it is everyone’s business, she is labelled immoral and disrespectful of our culture or traditions.When her husband’s cheating and abuse of her was exposed, no one questioned him about disregarding the sanctity of the marriage or his lack of morality. But when she decided to pursue her happiness, she was called out for her lack of respect in ending a relationship after years of trying.How is this ethical or even logical? When men choose to stray, our society stays quiet and looks the other way, but when <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/latest/the-goal-is-empowerment-and-independence-of-women/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">women</a> try to stand up for themselves, they are met with societal threats and shamed.If it is strength and courage to tolerate injustice and abuse, why does anyone not talk about how wrong it is to cheat and mistreat others?What is more shocking is how some women choose to blame the woman instead of the man in these matters. How can they not feel the pain and suffering of women living in hell, but pretending to be happy?It was not easy for my friend to walk away, she knew her choosing to do so would be met with more obstacles and malicious rumours. So the least we can do if we do not support the women is to not make it harder for them.The <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/parodying-patriarchy-at-tij/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Tij festival</a> is approaching and soon, women will be fasting for the long lives of their husbands. They are taught to treat their husbands like gods. But this is not how a god would behave. If we give that level of respect to men, they need to live up to it.Men are raised like they can do no wrong, and from a young age are taught that they are better than women. This is not the Middle Ages, and men need to learn to act responsibly. They need to control their egos, and learn that their actions and choices have consequences.Men might have got away with mistakes in the past, but not anymore. The world is changing and women are speaking up.Of course, not all men are like that and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/coping-with-the-patriarchy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">our society</a> knows right from wrong, but the selective discrimination between men and women is hypocritical and shameful in today’s time and world.The foundation of a strong and respectful society is not based on lies or hidden truths. We have to go a long way in terms of equality for all genders, but acknowledging the person at fault for the <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/Nepali-Times-Buzz/long-distance-marriages-cheating,2408" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">breakdown of a marriage</a> instead of a default setting to blame a woman is a good start.Society must learn to be kind to the women who have suffered. Do not berate them in the name of culture and tradition, but support them. Stand by them when they are standing up for themselves. Encourage them to seek happiness instead of continuing to suffer in an abusive relationship.Every woman who suffers in these loveless marriages is someone's daughter, sister and friend. Everyone deserves to be happy, and it is their life to live.My friend left her husband, and her parents supported her decision. She is a strong woman, she continues to struggle with unkind treatment. But I am proud of her, for her courage. I know it has not been easy on her, but she is happier.Anjana Rajbhandary writes this fortnightly Nepali Times column Life Time about mental health, physical health and socio-cultural issues.

Nepal’s unequal marriages

<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbe89c7e80680e0a0b5ajpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1000"/><figcaption>Artist Mukti Singh Thapa at his studio this week. Photo: MUSEUM OF NEPALI ART</figcaption></figure>“Your paintings are as unique as my chips,” Bill Gates said to Mukti Singh Thapa during a lunch conversation back in 1992 in the canteen of his Microsoft office in Redmond, Washington. Gates had acquired seven of this Nepali artist’s paintings at an exhibition.Besides Microsoft, Thapa’s paintings also adorn walls at Boeing headquarters in Seattle and other corporate offices around the world. Thapa’s other masterpieces are prominently displayed at the Nicholas Roerich Museum in New York, Oglethorpe University Museum in Atlanta, Vienna’s Welt Museum and as a <a href="https://www.mona.com.np/art/v/naari" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">permanent collection at our very own Museum of Nepali Art</a> (MoNA) in Kathmandu.<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbeb9c7e80680e0a0b5bjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="969"><figcaption> </figcaption></figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbee9c7e80680e0a0b5cjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1041"><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbf19c7e80680e0a0b5djpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1032"><figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbf49c7e80680e0a0b5ejpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1019"><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>Despite his international acclaim and being one of the most sought-after artists for <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/Nepali-Times-Buzz/Buzz-the-art,671" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paubha</a> and contemporary art, Thapa is a modest man who yearns to share his skill and knowledge with a younger generation of aspiring artists and art enthusiasts. Nepali art in the 21st century will be incomplete without his mention, yet only a handful of people here know about him, or have seen his work. This is unfortunate.Thapa is also the youngest artist ever to receive National Award from NAFA (Nepal Academy of Fine Arts) at the age of 20.The time has come to <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/nepali-art-going-places/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">take pride in our art</a> and recognise ourselves as a nation of great artists and artisans. Nepali art has thrived for over 2,500 years, but we are yet to truly acknowledge and appreciate our past and present masters.Read also: <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/opinion/lain-singh-bangdels-sigh/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Lain Singh Bangdel's 'Sigh'</a>, Rajan Sakya<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbf89c7e80680e0a0b5fjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1032"><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>The streets of Kathmandu Valley are consecrated with temples and monuments, which are also exemplary, exquisite works of devotional art. We worship these sculptures, scroll paintings and murals, but do not acknowledge the anonymous artists who create them. The <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/sacred-survival/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paubha and thangka artforms</a> represent illustrated spiritual and religious teachings, and their makers deserve more recognition.Contemporary art, on the other hand, gives expression to creativity, crying out with suppressed emotions, opinions, aggressions and love. Thapa is one of Nepal’s most disciplined adherents of traditional art forms, and his works in the genre are some of the most prolific.However, he is also a <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/review/old-art-meets-new/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">contemporary</a> artist who stays within the bounds of traditional iconography to unleash human emotions, desires and deliberations, providing a searing commentary on modern human existence.<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbfb9c7e80680e0a0b60jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="768" height="1378"><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>This Mukti Singh Thapa masterpiece at <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/nepals-first-private-art-museum/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MoNA</a> is titled “NARÌ” (Female) and is an exposé of present-day Nepali society. Provocative and perceptive, it consists of 47 figures of deities and humans in distinctive forms that express various aspects of female characteristics.The 54cm x 104cm canvas brims with activity, there are so many things happening here. But one is instinctively drawn by the central singular female figure. Red-bodied, eyes wide-opened, five pairs of hands holding attributes ranging from a book to a gun, and everything in between.Miss World Beauty Pageant sash in particular stands out. No matter how resilient, determined and dedicated a woman may be, is society always judging her only by her physical attributes? Despite the inner strength and vigour of womanhood, a patriarchal world still judges and appraises women through their exterior appearance and youthfulness.Thapa is known for his aggressive and free-flowing use of nudity in both his traditional and contemporary artwork, even though he is skilfully subtle in this one. His representation of raw phantasmagoria stands out among today’s artists.<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfbfe9c7e80680e0a0b61jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1000"><figcaption> </figcaption></figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfc009c7e80680e0a0b62jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1000"><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110141124/636cfc049c7e80680e0a0b63jpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1500" height="1000">The five-headed central character brushed with explosive colours denotes the vivid and varied expressions of a woman. We see her physically subduing underfoot a man, who is strangely content. Could this be an interpretation that patriarchy is just a pretentious mirage of male consciousness, and ultimately men are the suppressed gender? A pictorial dichotomy between male physical domination and female emotional domination.As we delve deeper into the artwork, the background can be divvied into upper and lower levels. The top part seems to consist of all the female deities, in their original form, shape and colour with traits of traditional iconography.However, the lower half is disillusioned, chaotic and frenzied. The images of people worshipping lifeless and colourless statues, blindly attributing faith and beliefs onto objects seem to indicate a society blinded by hypocrisy. The artist has captured both Hinduism and Buddhism in this work to also depict the inter-religious and interdependent culture of Nepal.“NARÌ” can have various subjective connotations for different people from different walks of life. To decipher a specific interpretation is impossible, which is what masterpieces do to you. Every time you look at her you discover yourself, and a different you.Rajan Sakya is the founder of the Museum of Nepali Art at Kathmandu Guest House, Thamel and contributes this monthly column For Arts Sake in Nepali Times.

Rajan Sakya

N A R Ì by Mukti Singh Thapa

<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110151112/636d073e9c7e80680e0a5fadjpeg.jpg" alt="" width="1200" height="1600"/><figcaption>Circa 1941. Standing from left: Yagyamuni Sharma, Tara Devi Sharma, Kusum Kumari Sharma, Hem Kumari ‘Gyanu’ Sharma. Sitting on chair: Basundhara Neupane Sharma, on stool: Vijaya Sharma. Photo courtesy: VIJAYA RAJ SHARMA/NEPAL PICTURE LIBRARY (With input from Vijaya Raj Sharma and Kalpana Ghimire)</figcaption></figure>Using old family photographs, I have been able to trace the history of patriarchy over four generations in my clan, right down to the present socio-political milieu in Nepal.Perhaps it is the intimacy with which I know my family as well as my country--as a child, as I grew into an adult, a daughter, and now a mother--that makes me want to do this. I have dilly-dallied in writing about these things, and indeed questioned my very right to even publish it. After all, I was born and raised in Kathmandu, and come from a privileged Brahmin background. Such a pedigree makes me an advantaged Nepali.However, as I once was told, “It is as much of a crime to commit injustice as it is not to oppose it.” The state of most Nepali women in their social, cultural, official, and legal capacities is so appalling and alarming that would be a crime not to speak up.In 2013, motivated by the pristine image of Nepal abroad, my French husband proposed that we go live in Nepal. By that point, I had lived for over a decade in various cities in Europe. I missed being in the Nepali cultural sphere, speaking Nepali, eating Nepali food, so I readily agreed.Most of my immediate family were living abroad at the time, and little did I know that without their network and support, living in Nepal would prove to be quite an ordeal -- especially when legal and official work needed to be done.I was aware that I would face some adverse cultural shock, but nothing could have prepared me for the degree of state-imposed patriarchy that we were about to experience. Little did I know that a daughter who is ‘given away’ (especially to a foreigner) would be viewed at par with an asylum-seeker by the state and the bureaucracy if she wanted to return.On the maternal side of my family in my मामाघर, we are now the fourth generation of women who have had to survive and deal with adversities in a patriarchal society with very little support from male members.Historically, the father figures in the clan have passed away very tragically and prematurely, have been absent or severely disabled, leaving the women to survive and carry on, earn a living, and raise children after a certain point or for long periods of time.Growing up with my mother’s side of the family in a household full of women, I was shown that women could be strong, career-oriented, free and become anyone they wished.Because of her upbringing in Kathmandu, Moscow, and Paris, my mother made sure that I was open to the world but raised in Nepal with Nepali values. Consequently, it made me confident enough to feel that I could fly anywhere.Like every child, I too felt that these unconventional, strong-willed, colourful and opinionated members of my predominantly female family were the norm, and as much as I am grateful for that, it did not prepare me for my return from Europe as an adult, and in November 2013 as a woman married to a foreigner.The NeupanesThis photograph of the Neupane family (see above) is of my maternal grandmother’s side, who lived in Kalaiya in the western Tarai. Standing third from the left is my mother’s mother Kusum Kumari Sharma, with her four sisters surrounding their widowed mother Bashundhara Neupane in a very Jane Austen-esque setting.Her fifth and youngest daughter is yet to be married off, the crescent moon hairpin being the traditional Hindu adornment of married women in Nepal in the community at the time. The Neupanes were a hill-based family who had migrated to the Tarai in the 1930s for better living opportunities, like many others.Basundhara’s spouse held the position of डिठ्ठा administrator in Parsauni, one of the most fertile areas of Nepal. This prestigious status gave the family financial ease, and an overall comfortable life. In 1937, tragedy struck -- literally, in the form of a lightning bolt. Basundhara’s husband Chudamani Upadhya Neupane along with his 13-member team were taking shelter under a tree during a rainstorm.The tree caught fire, everyone was knocked unconscious, and only Chudamani did not wake up. Basundhara, along with their 14-year-old son, rushed to the spot. After the last rites, Chudamani’s nephew took advantage of the situation and pocketed all valuables and ownership documents left behind in the house.Customary to Nepali culture, the superstitious finger-pointing of family misfortunes is automatically attributed as the moral or karmic culpability of a third person--mostly a woman.My great-grandmother was accused as being a लोग्ने टोक्ने. The fact that she later lost her son, the only remaining male member of the family, made the situation even worse. We should be grateful for her eldest son-in-law Dhundi Raj Sharma, then a young lawyer, who came to the rescue from Ilam to save the family from further harm, and settled them down in Kalaiya.Without this help, she would have lost property, all prestige and indeed all standing (प्रतिष्ठा, इज्ज़त) in society. Despite this ordeal, the widowed Basundhara was a strong-willed and determined enough woman to go to her husband’s family and obtain her share of the family inheritance -- something that many women in Nepal do not dare to claim even today.A couple of years later, Basundhara’s daughter, my then 16-year-old grandmother Kusum Kumari Sharma, got married. The fact that she had received an informal education was a problem for the members of her husband’s family, and she was packed off to her maternal home for seven years.Such a situation even today would be considered a shame in many Nepali families. Inspired by her eldest sister and activist Tara Devi Sharma, and her lawyer husband, she got involved in the first wave of Nepal’s feminist movement.Tara Devi Sharma went on to become a member of the सल्लाहाकार सभा (Advisory Council) in democratic Nepal. In 1954, she and fellow activists submitted a bill on the ‘Marriage system and provisions for a woman's right regarding marriage’.As for my grandmother, she was later united with her husband Bal Chandra Sharma, a founding member of the Nepali Congress movement. She even joined the party in 1947.Her education foundation, coupled with her social awareness, prompted her to write many articles in significant magazines like युगबाणी (Yugbani). Despite her involvement in Nepal’s growing feminist movement,  she had to face major discriminatory injustice much later in life based on the legal provision on nationality registration. The spouse of a public figure, albeit widowed, and fatherless, she could not obtain Nepali citizenship.As for my grandmother, only when her son obtained his citizenship was she able to get a citizonship certificate through him. Had she had only daughters, she would have been stateless.<figure><img src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110151112/636d07419c7e80680e0a5faejpeg.jpg" alt="" width="720" height="960"><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>My mother Kalpana Ghimire, earning a living and raising a child on her own, also found herself facing similar challenges much later in life. After her broken marriage in 1982, fatherless and husbandless, she found herself debarred from any property rights.At that time, with her child being female, she would be only entitled to Rs30,000 as marriage expenses from her husband’s property--and being once married, she had no claim to her parental property.Thanks to her education, determination, and her mother’s support, she worked, raised me and earned respect in society. Another major worry and predicament for her was trying to get my own citizenship in 1998.She approached Usha Nepal, the powerful and assertive Kathmandu CDO, whose personal intervention unblocked the process. Thus, like her maternal ancestors, my mother also faced both social and institutional patriarchy, and overcame it.I often get asked why I feel so personally about Nepalis who are undocumented. Here is why: because I was so close to becoming stateless myself. My mother would have shaken mountains to find a solution for my citizenship documents, but the feeling of humiliation and rejection by the state is something one cannot forget.To this day, I find it daunting to enter the Babar Mahal CDO office, and by extension any government office, to get any sort of official paperwork done.Born without a visaMy first shocking encounter with a Nepali bureaucrat was upon my return in 2013, when I had to go to the Immigration office in Dilli Bazar to get my husband’s family visa. I was admonished with a Nepali sermon that returning to Nepal to live in my mother’s माइती home was unjust to my husband’s घर and that I should be taking care them as I now ‘belonged’ to them.I realised that the Hindu marriage कन्या दान ceremony is still taken officially and very seriously in this 21st century globalised world. It seems that the mindset of the maledom has not changed since Nepal got unified in the 18th century.Worse was to follow. In April 2017, we had the great joy of welcoming our little baby boy. I wanted my half-French child to be born in Nepal so that it would be his जन्म भूमि (birthplace) even though he would not be eligible to Nepali nationality as per Nepal’s Constitution that that does not allow Nepali women to pass their nationality onto their children.When my child was two months old, I contacted the Immigration Office concerning formalities to be carried out for a half-Nepali, half-French infant child. To my great surprise and shock, I was asked to pay approximately Rs10,000 fine as according to rules, as the infant French citizen had stayed in Nepal without a visa.Here was a baby, born to a Nepali mother in Nepal, being charged a hefty fine because he was born without a visa. Under normal circumstances, I would probably have taken a strong stand, argued, negotiated and attempted to get this fine annulled, but after an IVF pregnancy, a baby born out of Caesarean section, I was exhausted.Given what my female ancestors, all belonging to a privileged ‘upper’ caste hill family and myself had to go through, I dare not imagine what Dalit, Tarai and hill ethnic women, especially single women, have to struggle with.The state pays tokenism to women by placing them in positions of power, but as Pakistani writer and activist Fatima Bhutto says, the position of women in a country or society should be judged by the state of women outside of power.Somewhere between 4-8.4 million people in Nepal are stateless, mostly because of gender inequality. A dear friend Deidre Breannan, who is doing a PhD on Nepal’s situation with statelessness and patriarchy, says Nepal is one of the few countries besides Malaysia with such a large number of people who are stateless because of gender inequality.Indeed, besides Malaysia, Nepal is on an embarrassing list of 26 other countries that do not allow mothers to pass their nationality onto their children: Bahrain, Barbados, Libya, Oman, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Suriname, Syria, Togo, the United Arab Emirates and others.As researcher Abha Lal argues, Nepal’s location as a ‘yam between two stones’ means that we define ourselves by what we are not: not Indian, and not Tibetan. This remains in the DNA of all those governing the political rhetoric, and reveals a dire problem in the Nepali identity to this day.Travel bans or restrictions are placed on women wanting to go abroad for work or leisure out of fear of human trafficking, as opposed to creating employment for these women back home. A village in Chitwan is imposing a ban on women migrant workers who have babies aged less than two years at home.Women have to be victims because of the government’s own acts of omission. Earlier this year, Prime Minister K P Oli, in a desperate move to stay in power, created an ordinance in May allowing children of citizens by birth and children of Nepali mothers to obtain Nepali Citizenship.There are 45,000 such cases pending, and instead of debating the issue in Parliament, it was rushed through to appease a faction of the Janata Samajbadi Party that supported Oli in a floor test in the House.Day by day, Nepali women are gaining in their fight against social and culturally-rooted patriarchy. We do not face the same discrimination that our mothers did, but it is a source of great shame that the Nepali state has institutionalised gender discrimination.Is our Constitution, our democratic pretensions just window dressing? How, with such a retrograde mentality, are we going to catch up with the rest of the world?@BhumiGhimir

Coping with patriarchy

On 5 March 2004, a clandestine feminist movement emerged in Kathmandu, and in <a href="http://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id=4077#.YEWdz7ZR3IU" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id%3D4077%23.YEWdz7ZR3IU&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1615275845111000&amp;usg=AFQjCNHa-omzVGE6i1zUtCq4buMGC3dfBw">a 40-point declaration</a>  to coincide with International Women’s Day, denounced Nepal’s patriarchal order.They called themselves the Charitraheen Cheli (Women of Ill Repute) and their manifesto was a ‘declaration of independence’, denouncing dowry, gender-based violence and discrimination.Point number 9 read: ‘We may have breasts, vaginas, clitorises and wombs; we also have kidneys, livers, lungs, stomachs, hearts, pancreases, intestines, fingers and toes, nails, arms, legs, pubic-hair, skin, eyes, ears, mouth, lips and tongues. All people have independent minds, spirits and souls.’ <img width="458" height="730" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110111152/636cd7e49c7e80680e092e10jpeg.jpg" alt=""/>Long before the Women’s March and 15 years ahead of the international #MeToo Movement, Charitraheen Cheli in Nepal laid the groundwork for activism on issues that are just as relevant today as the country records daily cases of rape, killings and sexual assaults, with the state still treating its women as second class citizens. <img width="126" height="150" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110111152/636cd7e59c7e80680e092e11jpeg.jpg" alt="">The declaration and subsequent <a href="http://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id=32#.YEXE0vkzZ0w" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id%3D32%23.YEXE0vkzZ0w&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1615275845111000&amp;usg=AFQjCNFAafqB4a2nLefSBzWU1aCbzASZvQ">contributions in newspapers</a> created ripples and rumours, and the group were eventually criticised for abandoning the cause, as its anonymous members drifted and their movement fizzled out.Another point in the declaration read: ‘Which idiot would think women should have the permission of their fathers/ husbands/guardians to obtain passports, or to travel and work abroad? (The same idiots who framed our Civil Code, that's who). Having reached the age of 18, we exercise the right for complete freedom of movement. Instead of curbing this freedom, the state should fulfill its obligation to provide women with protection, via consulates, in the foreign countries in which we travel, work and reside.’Seventeen years later, <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/nepali-women-protest-proposed-travel-provisions/" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.nepalitimes.com/banner/nepali-women-protest-proposed-travel-provisions/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1615275845111000&amp;usg=AFQjCNFbaLLb8SO194QZbmNRMTo8fFhDCg">a government department last month tried to restrict</a> the movement of women by requiring all females under 40 to have a written consent from a male family member and a ward official before travelling abroad.‘Enough is enough,’ wrote the team in a phrase that has since been used in the Rage Against Rape rallies in Kathmandu. The group added that since marching from Bhadrakali to Singha Darbar with a placard is mostly a waste of time and bad for the lungs, it was resorting to ‘non-violent guerilla tactics’.The 40-point declaration was also published in Nepali in Kantipur and gave way to speculation about the identity of its members. Guesswork bracketed them as ‘educated, English-speaking, foreign-bred, elite women from Kathmandu’. <figure><img width="3912" height="2040" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110111152/636cd7e69c7e80680e092e12jpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>‘We are underground because it’s fun down there,” retorted the Charitraheen. ‘We are everywhere around you, on the streets, in your office and even in your home. You are being watched!!!’A counter-group calling itself Chatrirawan Chela (Men of Good Character) then emerged and disclosed that the Cheli had surnames like, Pradhan, Sharma, Ranjit and Thapa, noting that Ranjit was a ‘painter’ -- clearly identifying the artist Ashmina Ranjit.Ranjit admitted this week in an interview that she was a member, adding: “We used to discuss if we should come out. But for many friends, because of family obligations and safety, it wasn’t possible. We were conflicted because we were all products of a conservative society, so we decided to remain unknown.”Ranjit refused to divulge the identity of her comrades, but said they were singers, writers, journalists, musicians and filmmakers.“Although we came from different backgrounds, we had one objective, which was to dismantle the structure of patriarchy,” Ranjit said. “We had been doing our own bit at the individual level before that, but it felt like it was essential to do it collectively.” <figure><img width="5760" height="3240" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110111152/636cd7ea9c7e80680e092e13jpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>Some labeled the group as ‘elite’, but Ranjit said it got support from all kinds of people, including male friends. The seeds of the group were sown in 1998, when Ranjit had put up an art exhibit, ‘Women and Sexuality’ after which she was viciously criticised.“I had a fight with my father and I left home. My work was branded as sordid. Fighting your family is harder than fighting the world,” she recalls. “There were alarming incidents of violence against women at that time. We wanted to retaliate and that’s how the declaration came about.”The choice of the term ‘Charitaraheen’ was also <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id=3829" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://archive.nepalitimes.com/news.php?id%3D3829&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1615275845111000&amp;usg=AFQjCNHro46CDzGpdg82gn9EE6GYbWY9ng">often questioned</a>. But Ranjit said that since women are often judged on the basis of their ‘character’, the group wanted to question society’s norm. <img width="1040" height="755" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221110111152/636cd7ed9c7e80680e092e14jpeg.jpg" alt="">“Basically, who are you to define my character? That was the question we wanted to raise at society at that time. The patriarchy made women’s character a weapon against them. Charitraheen was our way of defying that,” she said.Ranjit is glad that the group’s activism has carried on over the years in different forms, and a whole new generation of Nepali women are now carrying on the struggle: “It’s tiring, but we have no luxury to be tired.”

Who were the Charitraheen Cheli?

<figure><img width="945" height="427" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/2022110919118/636bed2d4b0ad905ca02eecbjpeg.jpg" alt=""/><figcaption>Hupsekot Rural Municipality recently inaugurated a 10-bed coronavirus-dedicated hospital. Municipality chair Laxmi Pandey is at centre. All photos: LAXMI BASNET</figcaption></figure>After the first elections under federalism in 2017, Hupsekot became one of only two municipalities in Nepal in which <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/regular-columns/guest-editorial/madam-mayor-of-jumla,918" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">women were voted both chair and deputy</a>.Laxmi Pandey of the Nepali Congress was elected chair, and Kopila Malla of the UML was voted vice-chair. In the three years since, Hupsekot in Nawalparasi district has exemplified how this has made all the difference in the quality of education, agriculture, nature conservation, and now Covid-19 control.Hupsekot is Nepal in a microcosm in more ways than one. It encompasses the Mahabharat and <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/page/crushing-tale-of-Chure" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Chure ranges</a>, as well as the Tarai, and these days when the air is clear the Annapurnas are visible to the north. Hupsekot is also an example of what is possible for the rest of Nepal.Under the 2015 Constitution a vice-chair or deputy mayor has to be a woman, but Hupsekot and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/jumlas-great-leap-into-the-future/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jumla elected women to both positions</a>. Now, imagine if Hupsekot was replicated in more of Nepal’s 736 municipalities and 17 metropolises. “Because both of us are women, it has been easier for us to work on delivery of social services to our people,” says municipality chair Laxmi Pandey. “In many other local governments we see the <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/salma-breaks-her-silence/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">male chair and female deputy chair having disagreements</a>.”Indeed, while in Kathmandu even men from the same ruling Nepal Communist Party (NCP) <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/editorial/outside-looking-in/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">are forever quarrelling</a>, here in Hupsekot it does not seem to matter that Pandey and her deputy are from different parties. <figure><img width="400" height="400" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/2022110919118/636bed2f4b0ad905ca02eeccjpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>“Sometimes, problems arise when there are party-based decisions from Kathmandu, but we manage to resolve them amicably,” says vice-chair Malla. “We have worked together well in the past three years.”In its very first meeting, this village municipality decided to provide Rs5,000 for institutional delivery in government facilities to promote safe motherhood. Back then the village had only one birthing centre, it has added two more in the recent years. Now, even those who can afford private hospitals go to government hospitals because services have been upgraded. So far 1,008 people have received the institutional delivery incentive.Nawalparasi district borders India, and earlier this year it became a hotspot for Covid-19, as <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/returnees-may-be-taking-coronavirus-to-rural-nepal/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Nepalis returning from India brought the virus home</a>. Hupsekot instituted a strict quarantine and contact tracing rule, and last month it opened a dedicated 10-bed hospital for coronavirus patients. <figure><img width="640" height="365" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/2022110919118/636bed314b0ad905ca02eecdjpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>Pandey and Malla then worked together to encourage local youth as well as returnees to take up farming instead of migrating back to India or overseas for work. A big chunk of the rural municipality’s annual budget is spent on grants for communities investing in commercial agriculture. This has had a direct impact on this year’s paddy harvest, and increased the prospects for agribusiness.Hupsekot has also launched a 'School Merger Program' to address falling enrolment, and best use limited resources. Four government schools have been combined into one and discussions are underway to even merge public and private schools.“As a former teacher myself, I have focused on improving the education program without adding to the hardships of parents and students,” says Pandey. “And we are working to improve the quality of instruction, to make it more relevant and impart civic values.” <img width="1355" height="788" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/2022110919118/636bed334b0ad905ca02eecejpeg.jpg" alt="">The rural municipality has launched an awareness drive against deep-rooted patriarchal values and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/from-the-nepali-press/alarming-rise-in-violence-against-women/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">domestic violence</a> by sensitising parents to raise their children right, and as equal. Both at home and in schools, children learn early about tolerance and responsibility, and boys and girls alike are encouraged to help out with household chores.Hupsekot has also gone further than most other municipalities by promoting local languages and dialects. A language curriculum is being developed for 60% of the district’s population for whom Magar is the mother tongue. The digital charter of the municipality is available also in the Magar language.Hupsekot’s scenic beauty and places of religious significance make it a popular destination for visitors. And the municipality is now trying to add to its eco-tourism appeal, planting 5,000 rhododendron spalings under the 'One Student One Laligurans' campaign as well as holy pipal plantations around its pilgrimage sites under a municipality subsidised program.  <figure><img width="800" height="533" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/2022110919118/636bed364b0ad905ca02eecfjpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>“Ultimately, we plan to create a natural and pristine environment and cultivate rudraksha commercially. This along with religious tourism will provide regular income for our municipality,” Pandey adds.The municipality is also working to raise income of female-led households by training women to produce value added goods from maize husk, and is already engaging them in knitting winter wear. The municipality then takes the responsibility of marketting the products.  An inter-generational skill transfer program is also in operation so that the village doesn’t have to rely only on outside trainers to learn new skills. About two years ago when the municipality advertised for two employees, some 60 <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/nation/2000-widows-of-Nepal-earthquake-need-special-attention,2503" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">single women</a> applied for the job. During the interviews, they shared their hardships in finding a reliable source of income. While the municipality office wasn’t able to employ them all, this gave Paudel a much-needed push to plan a program specifically targetting single women. “Women in rural areas, especially single women, do not have a reliable source of income. Society looks down on them. But that won’t be the case if the local government steps in to support them,” says Pandey. Since last year, the municipality has started allocating a budget for ‘Single Women’s School’ under which widows come up with their owns plans for regular income generation. <figure><img width="800" height="544" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/2022110919118/636bed384b0ad905ca02eed0jpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>The fact that both the chair and vice chair are women helps, and they are leading the charge with progressive plans and policies. This is in stark contrast to other municipalities where the women deputies are <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqyjLl1qvv8" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">undermined and harassed by their male colleagues</a>.Says Pandey: “We have to use the five years we have been given by working for the people. Bitterness and dispute will only hurt our voters. Our sole focus is on fulfilling our responsibilities.”

Women leaders set example for rest of Nepal

<figure><img width="945" height="427" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221109181140/636be6089c7e80680e087782jpeg.jpg" alt=""/><figcaption>Hupsekot Rural Municipality recently inaugurated a 10-bed coronavirus-dedicated hospital. Municipality chair Laxmi Pandey is at centre. All photos: LAXMI BASNET</figcaption></figure>After the first elections under federalism in 2017, Hupsekot became one of only two municipalities in Nepal in which <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/regular-columns/guest-editorial/madam-mayor-of-jumla,918" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">women were voted both chair and deputy</a>.Laxmi Pandey of the Nepali Congress was elected chair, and Kopila Malla of the UML was voted vice-chair. In the three years since, Hupsekot in Nawalparasi district has exemplified how this has made all the difference in the quality of education, agriculture, nature conservation, and now Covid-19 control.Hupsekot is Nepal in a microcosm in more ways than one. It encompasses the Mahabharat and <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/page/crushing-tale-of-Chure" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Chure ranges</a>, as well as the Tarai, and these days when the air is clear the Annapurnas are visible to the north. Hupsekot is also an example of what is possible for the rest of Nepal.Under the 2015 Constitution a vice-chair or deputy mayor has to be a woman, but Hupsekot and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/jumlas-great-leap-into-the-future/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jumla elected women to both positions</a>. Now, imagine if Hupsekot was replicated in more of Nepal’s 736 municipalities and 17 metropolises. “Because both of us are women, it has been easier for us to work on delivery of social services to our people,” says municipality chair Laxmi Pandey. “In many other local governments we see the <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/salma-breaks-her-silence/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">male chair and female deputy chair having disagreements</a>.”Indeed, while in Kathmandu even men from the same ruling Nepal Communist Party (NCP) <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/editorial/outside-looking-in/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">are forever quarrelling</a>, here in Hupsekot it does not seem to matter that Pandey and her deputy are from different parties. <figure><img width="400" height="400" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221109181140/636be60a9c7e80680e087783jpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>“Sometimes, problems arise when there are party-based decisions from Kathmandu, but we manage to resolve them amicably,” says vice-chair Malla. “We have worked together well in the past three years.”In its very first meeting, this village municipality decided to provide Rs5,000 for institutional delivery in government facilities to promote safe motherhood. Back then the village had only one birthing centre, it has added two more in the recent years. Now, even those who can afford private hospitals go to government hospitals because services have been upgraded. So far 1,008 people have received the institutional delivery incentive.Nawalparasi district borders India, and earlier this year it became a hotspot for Covid-19, as <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/here-now/returnees-may-be-taking-coronavirus-to-rural-nepal/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Nepalis returning from India brought the virus home</a>. Hupsekot instituted a strict quarantine and contact tracing rule, and last month it opened a dedicated 10-bed hospital for coronavirus patients. <figure><img width="640" height="365" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221109181140/636be60d9c7e80680e087784jpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>Pandey and Malla then worked together to encourage local youth as well as returnees to take up farming instead of migrating back to India or overseas for work. A big chunk of the rural municipality’s annual budget is spent on grants for communities investing in commercial agriculture. This has had a direct impact on this year’s paddy harvest, and increased the prospects for agribusiness.Hupsekot has also launched a 'School Merger Program' to address falling enrolment, and best use limited resources. Four government schools have been combined into one and discussions are underway to even merge public and private schools.“As a former teacher myself, I have focused on improving the education program without adding to the hardships of parents and students,” says Pandey. “And we are working to improve the quality of instruction, to make it more relevant and impart civic values.” <img width="1355" height="788" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221109181140/636be60f9c7e80680e087785jpeg.jpg" alt="">The rural municipality has launched an awareness drive against deep-rooted patriarchal values and <a href="https://www.nepalitimes.com/from-the-nepali-press/alarming-rise-in-violence-against-women/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">domestic violence</a> by sensitising parents to raise their children right, and as equal. Both at home and in schools, children learn early about tolerance and responsibility, and boys and girls alike are encouraged to help out with household chores.Hupsekot has also gone further than most other municipalities by promoting local languages and dialects. A language curriculum is being developed for 60% of the district’s population for whom Magar is the mother tongue. The digital charter of the municipality is available also in the Magar language.Hupsekot’s scenic beauty and places of religious significance make it a popular destination for visitors. And the municipality is now trying to add to its eco-tourism appeal, planting 5,000 rhododendron spalings under the 'One Student One Laligurans' campaign as well as holy pipal plantations around its pilgrimage sites under a municipality subsidised program.  <figure><img width="800" height="533" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221109181140/636be6129c7e80680e087786jpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>“Ultimately, we plan to create a natural and pristine environment and cultivate rudraksha commercially. This along with religious tourism will provide regular income for our municipality,” Pandey adds.The municipality is also working to raise income of female-led households by training women to produce value added goods from maize husk, and is already engaging them in knitting winter wear. The municipality then takes the responsibility of marketting the products.  An inter-generational skill transfer program is also in operation so that the village doesn’t have to rely only on outside trainers to learn new skills. About two years ago when the municipality advertised for two employees, some 60 <a href="https://archive.nepalitimes.com/article/nation/2000-widows-of-Nepal-earthquake-need-special-attention,2503" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">single women</a> applied for the job. During the interviews, they shared their hardships in finding a reliable source of income. While the municipality office wasn’t able to employ them all, this gave Paudel a much-needed push to plan a program specifically targetting single women. “Women in rural areas, especially single women, do not have a reliable source of income. Society looks down on them. But that won’t be the case if the local government steps in to support them,” says Pandey. Since last year, the municipality has started allocating a budget for ‘Single Women’s School’ under which widows come up with their owns plans for regular income generation. <figure><img width="800" height="544" src="https://superdesk-pro-c.s3.amazonaws.com/sd-nepalitimes/20221109181140/636be6159c7e80680e087787jpeg.jpg" alt=""><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>The fact that both the chair and vice chair are women helps, and they are leading the charge with progressive plans and policies. This is in stark contrast to other municipalities where the women deputies are <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqyjLl1qvv8" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">undermined and harassed by their male colleagues</a>.Says Pandey: “We have to use the five years we have been given by working for the people. Bitterness and dispute will only hurt our voters. Our sole focus is on fulfilling our responsibilities.”