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The Ass

The Ass
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Articles by The Ass

Nepali Times

VACANCY

A volunteer Ass is needed with immediate effect for a newspaper of records in a federal democratic kleptocratic Himalayan republic in which the…

Nepali Times

Glad tidings

As the Earth attempts to complete its 2,022nd orbit around the Sun since the virgin birth of Baby Jesus, I have both good news and bad news.

Nepali Times

Errata, etc

As the guardians of the Fourth Estate, it is our job to tell it like it is, and let the potato chips fall where they may. Every once in a while, however, there are facts that need to be tweaked.

Nepali Times

Self-driving in Kathmandu

Now that Elon Musk’s self-driving Beta is available in North America, it is only a question of time before autonomous vehicles arrive in Kathmandu. After that, we can all sit back, relax in the co-pilot seat while the autonomous vehicle is pulled over for overspeeding and driving under the influence.

Nepali Times

Relocating Kathmandu

There is no question that Kathmandu has now become unliveable, and we need to think about moving. There is a proposal to relocate the capital so…

Symbolic elections

Symbolic elections

Don’t be an ass. Get out and vote, even if it is for a serial politician who has been given the chance to ruin this country several times over…

Nepali Times

Election dos and don’ts

The Chief Election Commissar is a busy hombre these days. With the intention of cracking down on violations of the election Code of Conduct, he…

Nepali Times

Why Nepalis are so happy

You may not have noticed, but things in Nepal are getting better and better each passing day. Every day in every way, things are improving. And…

Defending Nepal

Defending Nepal

As some of you more alert readers may have surmised by now, we live in perilous times. Besides an impending climate catastrophe and more…

Nepali Times

Holy Matrimoney

As some of you disgustingly young whippersnappers of reproductive age who tied the nuptial knots of holy matrimony during the human breeding…

Nepali Times

Bigger fish to fry

Many of us are suffering from post-Dasai Tihar withdrawal symptoms. This is a recognised psychological syndrome wherein an individual is forced…

Ass Tihar

Ass Tihar

You might have noticed that the Festival of Lights is called Tihar in Nepal. This is unfortunate, because that is also the name of the…

Sons of bitches

Sons of bitches

It’s that time of year again when dogs are gods in Catmandu, and as we involuntarily get the urge to raise our hind-legs when passing a…

Nepali Times

Judging a car by its looks

Many alert readers will have noticed that cars — like dogs — resemble their owners. In fact, there is a striking facial similarity between a…

Meddling with medals

Meddling with medals

Every year, Nepal honours people who have imparted yeoman’s service to the nation so that things do not get from bad to worse. Thanks to the…

Filled your CCMC form?

Filled your CCMC form?

As an adventure destination, Nepal’s policy has always been to make it as thrilling as possible for tourists who visit the country with…

Garbage in, garbage out

Garbage in, garbage out

Photo: AMIT MACHAMASIThe good people of Okharpauwa in Nuwakot finally signed a ceasefire agreement with the litterbugs of Kathmandu last week to…

CPN (Asinine)

CPN (Asinine)

It doesn’t look like anyone is about to give Prime Minister Brave Lion a honeymoon period. The same folks who were baying for Oli’s blood are…

Men's fashion trends

Men's fashion trends

Many of us are reluctant to shed cosy illusions and want to go on pretending that everything is hunky dory in the Dramatic Cellular Femoral…

Skeletons in the Cabinet

Skeletons in the Cabinet

Coalition politics brings out the best in a democracy. The five-party anti-Oli alliance has been in grabberment for less than a month and it…

Hi-Level Mechanism

Hi-Level Mechanism

Nepal is serious about democracy, and that is why we have to keep restoring it every decade or so because we believe in government for the…

Nepali Times

I spy

We fail to understand the big hoo-hah in India about the gobarment there using the Israeli-designed Pegasus software to infect the WhatsApp of…

Nepali Times

Nepal’s Olympic dreams

Now the Euro Cup fever is over (“Forza Italia!”) and we have all caught up with much-needed sleep, let us gear up for the Tokyo Virtual Olympics…

Nepali Times

Republic of animals

Nepal’s Supreme Leader is Lord Pashupatinath, the ruler of all animules. As the country's patron deity, Pashupatinath has our backs at all…

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