Nepali Times

Four down, 20 to go

AssBackside

Column: Backside | From Issue #514 (August 6-12, 2010)

So it does look like the gentlemen's agreement for unnatural political intercourse between the consenting adults of the Madhesi and Maobaddie movements has fallen apart, and the UML and the Madhesis have decided to stay neutered. Friday's fourth round of voting is going to be another dead duck in the water, so candidates for PM will bury the hatchet. In each others' backs.

***

The 1st point of the three-point agreement has been forgotten for the umpteenth time in the political circus. Comrade Supercalifragilistic had said everything in the six-point agreement under the first point of the three-point agreement would be sorted out within three days if the prime minister resigned. The prime minister resigned, and after more than a month of deadlock, Comrade Expialidocious now says everything will be sorted out in three months if he is allowed to lead the next majority govt. Prochandal is not just trying to move the goalpost, he's trying to move the entire stadium.

The Chairman's strategy seems to be to keep on going through an endless cycle of elections in parliament to a) turn the whole democratic process into a farce, and b) to buy time to buy some more MPs until he can hit the Magic 300. He has gambled all, and if he loses this he faces political extinction in his party's AGM next month.

***

If only everyone showed the same alertness as the Business Advisory Committee. Even though the fourth round hasn't happened yet, it has already set the time of the fifth round: Wednesday, 18 August at 3PM. If this is what the august house can do imagine what the September house will accomplish.

The alternative to elections ad infinitum would be a consensus government, but there is no consensus either on who should be the consensus candidate: JNK, BRB or PKD? Now that Uncle Shyam is here everything will be sorted out, some say. But what can he do that the Soodsayer hasn't tried already?

The gloves came off in the war of words between PKD and BRB long ago, and both are now donning finger studs. The party is beginning to split right down the middle between Chhabilal and Laldhoj loyalists. The party's newspapers are snarling at one or the other leader, reminding us of the historical propensity for communist leaders to squash internal dissent. Usually it is the survival of the most ruthless. BRB commands respect within the party for his integrity and vision, while PKD has the gift of the gab. Baddie reps in parliament going around trying to woo the smaller parties to vote for Awesome on Friday secretly admit they are just dishing out the party line, and that they'd much prefer BRB as their candidate. But they look over their shoulders as they say this.

***

The biggest setback to the Chairman within his party seems to be that after crushing the monarchy he now has a crush on it. Ferocious is now trying to justify his overtures to the royalists by saying that he is engaged in a "cultural revolution to bring back a cultural king". This has already worked wonders on the Bhadgaunleys who went lock, stock and barrel with the Baddies in the third round. The king card has also worked with certain Madhesis, although the deal seems to have been lubricated with 3 karod smackeroos each and brokered by a son-in-law who was above-the-law during the royal days. Comrade Jwai-saheb has joined the pro-Mau Janata Dull to position himself for Information Ministership in new PKD govt.

***

And this week's winner of the 'Only in Nepal' contest is the agitation by the Baddie-affiliated Nepal Oil Corruption employees for a bonus in an organisation that is running a loss of 2 arabs a year. China has donated garbage trucks, we will donate the rubbish, but who is going to donate the diesel to run them?

ass(at)nepalitimes.com

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Comments (Archive)

  • kabulekanchho

    Let�s keep Uncle Shyam here and ask Thula Ba Manmohan to appoint him as the Governor of Nepal. He can use all his diplomatic skill to persuade one of the guys from �Nepalese Hall of Shame of Politics� to become the first consensus Chief Minister. This facade of independence to burdensome for poor and tired Nepalese to carry.

  • RAJARAM

    IS PRACHANDA IS THE EPITOME OF DR.FAUST? PRACHANDA'S AMBITIONCOMPARES WITHFAUST,HE SURRENDERS THE MORAL INTRIGITY IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE POWER,HE CAN "DEAL WITH THE DEVIL", AS HE HAS SHOWN RECENTLY AND IN THE PAST(?) AS WELL BY HIS CONNECTION WITH THE DURBAR AND THE DURB FAUST -TIAN PRACHANDA WITH HIS MAGICAL POWER FOR A TERM OF YEARS,BUT AT THE END OF THE TERM THE DEVIL WILL CLAIM HIS SOUL AND HE WILL BE ETERNALLY DAMNED. DURING HIS HEYDAYS PRACHANDA CAN ATTAIN REAL CARNAL HAPPINESS LIKE LEVERKUHN,BUT HE HAS TO MEET LEVERKUHN'S FATE SPIRITUALLY,MENTALLY,PHYSICALLY TO COLLAPSE AND DEGRADATION.

  • who cares

    the way maoist released the statement "we will not tolerate foreign intervention" even before the intervention proves that maoist have taken the saying "cut leg of the thief" really seriously. wonder what those, who forced their party to sign three point agreement, could be doing now a days?.... must be working on another agreement. ........... jhalanath, bamdev league is far more productive than pla, young communist league.� � what an amazing! * those who cant even unite within the party wants unity govt. * those who are calling parliamentary democracy ugly game are playing the game openly. * on the one hand maoist press law. to punish those who attack them, and on the other hand they say they are not here to follow law of the land.� * and what not. by the way did any nephew asked uncle shyam, why grand pa manmohan had held newspaper prints, garbage collecting vehicles for weeks? may be they were occupied with the thought of the possible lollipop brought by uncle shyam. .............. if the uncle is still in nepal, media should ask him loudly.

  • K. K. Sharma

    Pity, the Ass could not predict; who is going to be the Trotsky of New Nepal, PKD baje or BRB baje. Surely,dialectical historical Truth of the Commie Bajes should lead to this..

  • ridhi bdr. karki

    JATI JOGI ATEPANI KANAI CHIREKAA SATYA RAHECHA HOINA RA ?

  • Gole

    The Times of India 's 30 July news revelation about royal Maoist connection deterred the Royals, so RPP-Nepal. Kamal did not vote Maoist Kamal. But instead the Royal made the Bhadgauley- dai to act as the surrogate, due to his past connection;not North Korean or Chinese. Madhesi Upendro's defectors were smart,pr rather he himself as abstainer;but made good collection out of the extortion money employing his senas.The tailor s were re-tailored.

  • Mike

    Power, power, power... Money, money, money... Power or money? Khai, kuni! Party, party, party... Chair, chair, chair... Party or Chair? Who cares!! PM, PM, PM... Money, money, money... Power, power, power... Sabai chahine...kati, kati, kati Our Nepali kubility!!!