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Pre-departure questionnaire

Ass

Column: Backside | From Issue #627 (October 19-25, 2012)

As Nepal strives for service excellence, the unconcerned authorities are planning to hand out Pre-Departure Visitor Feedback Questionnaires to dear and departing tourists while they wait for their flights at Kathmandu airport.

This is an excellent idea. Bored passengers waiting for delayed flights will have something to do and tourists can get things off their chests so they don't go back with a bad impression. The feedback will help Nepal's tourism industry to fine tune its product range, upgrade services, streamline procedures, find out where we still don't charge entry fees so we can start doing so, and it will bring constructive suggestions about upgrading our tourist services which we can then completely ignore.

To start with, tourists will be required to mandatorily pay $5 for taking the trouble to fill out this form. The money will be used to print more questionnaires for future feedback. If there are 1 million tourists next year, that means Nepal will earn $5 million from questionnaires alone. Please be so kind as to take a few moments of your time to complete this short survey. The information you provide will be held in strictest confidence, unless of course you decide to be nasty in which case we will put your photo on the Nepal government's Facebook page and draw a moustache over it. Ready?

1. Did you find Nepal up to your expectations?
Better than expectations
Worse than expectations
What do you expect me to say?

2. If you were looking for Nirvana in Nepal, did you find it?
Yes
No
Om

3. What was the condition of the public toilets at the airport?
Excellent
Cured my sinus
Fainted twice

4. Was your privacy respected?
Go away
No, I don't want to buy another bloody khukuri
You want to see my khukuri?

5. What is your opinion of the promo ads about Nepal in your country?
Lies
Damn lies
Statistics

6. Which of the following did you expect to see during your visit versus what you actually saw?

Expected to see	Actually saw
Gorillas	Guerrillas
Gurkhas	Airport friskers
Gardens	Garbage
Abominable snowmen	Abominable men
Yak	Yak & Yeti
Treks	Trax
Paradise	Paragliding

7. How do you rate our overall service?
Compared to where?
You really want to know?
Let's just say it was a memorable trip

8. Was the visa officer at the airport courteous?
You're joking, right?
$50 minus $35 is $15, not $5
He was, I wasn't

9. Who will you recommend Nepal to:
Friend
Foe
Friend and foe alike

10. If one more guy asks you to pay Rs 800 to enter a Darbar Square, you will:
Strangle him with your bare hands in broad daylight
Embrace him tightly and execute a Heimlich Maneouvre so he regurgitates his lunch
Drop verbal hints about his canine motherhood
Show him the khukuri you bought

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Comments (archive)

RohitOct 19, 2012
HAHAHA...No.3 is funny and the Khukuri.
Maybe it's Lady EvelynOct 19, 2012
Imagine non-Americans paying 10 times extra when visiting the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower. That would be blasphemy. In all of the third worlds, effigies would be burned, curfews would be the order of the day, and people would die left and right. Thank God, Americans and Europeans are not as racist as we are. Jai Nepal!!!
Colin CooperOct 19, 2012
I personally don't mind paying higher entry fees - one man's tourist attraction is another's place of worship and I don't see an easier way of distinguishing between devotees and day-trippers. That said, fees can be exorbitant (Bhaktapur, I'm looking at you) and often pretty inflexible too. I also think that if you're going to pay the kind of money you're charged, there should be a little more evidence that the maintenance and restoration the fees supposedly pay for is, you know, being done. Barring the most aggressive tat-wallahs that ruin many visits to these sites seems like the reasonable thing to do. And, here's a thought - Western toilets might be nice, too, since the fee structure seems designed to make an issue out of how different we all are.
NirmalOct 19, 2012
May be charging 800 rs was an idea that came from "volunteers" from Germany as they are the ones who helped re-built Bhaktapur square. They never spend money just for the sake of humanity. Discrimination is an idea inherent in their concept of business which should not be necessarily bad always. Act as If you are giving but take much more than you can give, this is the dutch order of the day.
MangalOct 20, 2012
I personally don't like the fact that they make tourists pay to emter every single site around the valley Why don't the authorities just increase the visa fee instead ? There really should be one ticket that allows people to visit all the sites without having to pay at every single sites. Money may not be an issue to many tourists but having to pay at every single site can be very annoying and leaves a bad impression too about the country as if we are just after their money and we follow them for money no matter where ever they go. Monkey temple *(swayambhu) and Boudhanath stupa where many go to seek peace now feels like a buisness site instead. If they have to charge money, it should be mandatory that they build fancy restrooms and clean the sites and strictly prevent littering and noise pollution. Also many of the staffs of the municipality who charge the tourists for entering the durbar square are are very very rude specially at Bhaktapur.
manishOct 21, 2012
what are you guys complaining anyway?? am sure you've heard of overseas students being overcharged in the west...so there you go.. one man's poison is... another thing is this whole 'monkey temple' thing & tourist clicking pics during cremation at pashupati.. i mean c'mon whats wrong with our guides.. i have a dream that one day.. just one day i'd want to get into a christian burial and randomly start clicking pictures.. heck morbid fascinates me too!!