So Kentucky has decided on a new motto: ‘Kicks Ass’. Drat, they beat us to it. That was a slogan yours truly, Gluteus Maximus, had set aside for our own Maoist Plutocratic Republic to replace the traditional feudal national motto on our coat of arms which goes, ‘Motherland is Greater Than Heaven’ or words to that effect.

Which brings us to the need to modify Nepal’s coat of arms to move with the times. We have removed most vestiges of the monarchy era, including the crown, royal standard, and the holy cow. The new coat of arms of Revolutionary Nepal will replace the cow with the Donkey, which the cabinet will officially declare the country’s new national animule. At the rate we are eating danfes, our national bird is soon going to be extinct, so the pheasant has been replaced with the more ubiquitous urban crow. The holy river in the emblem will now resemble the Bagmati, Mt Everest will be devoid of snow because of climate change, and the crown’s place will be taken up by a centurion helmet.

Not deterred by ridicule, Prime Minister Baburam Bhattarai is boldly going where no prime minister has gone before by spending one night a month in a poor Nepali’s home and eating what they eat. By now he has worked his way through grasshopper chutney, barbecued rat, and monkey curry. Given his record for protecting war criminals, we wonder if he is ever going to be allowed into the UK. But if BRB is granted a British visa he can also partake of horse meat when he orders a burger at the Bountiful Cow in Holburn.

I had thought it would be possible to write a column this week without mentioning Justice Kill Raj and his chances of becoming prime minister and spare you the bother, but no such luck. Rumour has it that the idea first originated in the lawn of the Claridge’s Hotel about a month or so ago and was communicated to the Baddies by none other than Comrade Octopus. PKD took this as a great opportunity to remove BRB from power after the convention, but what he keeps forgetting is that Lal Dhoj is an even more of a Machiavellian schemer than him. While the PM appeared to be pushing the CJ formula, what he was really doing from behind the scenes was paying lip service to the proposal knowing fully well that it would be shot down by the opposition. He even blurted out that the alternative to the CJ as PM was his own continuation in office. PKD, UML, and NC had no idea BRB was running circles around them. And as an added bonus, by dangling the lolly successfully in front of Justice Kill he also demolished the Chief Justice’s reputation and defanged the Supremo Court in one swell foop. If only the Doc would use his proven genius in wheeling and/or dealing to get the country moving again.

The real question now is what did the Chief Justice know, and when did he know it? The chronology, according to some, goes way back to his appointment as CJ during the PKD regime when he was pulled up from his fourth ranking position in the justice bench. BRB then summoned him over the wall to the Balu Water Palace to tempt him with an offer of PMship that he couldn’t refuse. Kill Raj seems to have swallowed it hook line, and sinker, because not once did he ever deny that he was in the running, he didn’t even try to salvage his standing by saying his appointment went against the fundamental democratic precept of the separation of powers. But the man seems to have finally had his doubts on Wednesday when he told the Baddies no way he was going to resign prior to being appointed PM. Must have dawned on him that he could be neither PM nor CJ.

So the govt will be shelling out GBP 7 lacks to pay the defence lawyers of Colonel Lama? Why should tax payers pay for the defence of someone who tortured a tax payer? How about sending the legal bills to ex-majesty King-ji?