Nepal is a fine country

Our leaders have repeatedly promised to turn Nepal into a Singapore, and that has always seemed like a mirage. But thanks to the glorious dictatorship of the politburo that dream is finally coming true. Kathmandu, too, is becoming a ‘Fine City’.

Having once nearly had to pay a double fine for hiding a bubble gum glob under a park bench on Sentosa Beach (SG$500 for chewing contraband and SG$1,000 for littering, making a grand total of SG$1,500 plus 10% GST refundable at the airport) I have on all subsequent trips to the city state looked over my shoulder before repeating the heinous crime. And, I am proud to say, I have never been caught since.

There is no doubt that fines work. For example, Singapore has a fine of SG$100 for not flushing the toilet. (Always wondered about that, though. How do they know? Do they have a hidden CCTV camera inside the cubicle?)

Being a Turd World country, however, Nepal must fine those who do flush unecessarily, so that we can conserve our valuable water resources and not let them flow down the drain, as it were. For most Nepalis, ‘flush’ is a game of cards and not a waterfall in the loo. Let’s keep it that way.

The authorities showed a can-do attitude this week by reinstating stiff penalties for jaywalking. However, things have got so out of hand that fines may not suffice. We need corporal punishment as a deterrence to instil good behaviour in citizens.

Member of the Gandaki Provincial Legislature Deepak Manange has the right idea to get people to fall in line. This week, he manhandled a member of the Kaski branch of ANFA in Pokhara for perceived misdemeanours. It was wholly appropriate that The Right Honourable Manange lodged a flying kick on a football official. That should be a lesson to all those who do not treat public officials with the respect they deserve.

Any celebrity singer who henceforth refuses to put her coffee cup through the airport X-ray scanner, will be singled out for physical showdown. (Those with 33kg of golden ball bearings concealed in their false bottoms will be deemed national assets, and will not be X-rayed.)

Any school staff painting their building yellow will be beaten black and blue. Satire columnists will be kicked in the Ass.

The Ass


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