Heavenly abode

Nepal used to be run by a cartel of four parties, and thanks to the principle of democratic centralism practiced by the Nepal Communist Party (Bold-Underlined) it is now under control of a two-man syndicate.

The duocracy has decreed that there is no reason for MPs with criminal records to resign just as yet from the August House – they can stay till September. MPs also threatened to boycott Parliament unless their discretionary budgets for electorate development was increased.

For those of you who just tuned in, here is a brief recap: Nepal as we know it will grind to a halt if syndicates are banned. Better sense has prevailed in the nick of time, however, and we have been saved from the ravages of transparency and accountability. Whew, that was close.

Petroleum tankers go on strike to be allowed to siphon off fuel en route from India, taxi cartels staged a show of force for the right to fleece passengers, and eateries protest hygiene inspections by vowing to continue to commit adultery on food.

It is now the turn of gold smugglers who have threatened to go on strike unless the “setting” at Triglyceride International Airport (TIA) is restored. For their yeoman’s and yeowoman’s service to the nation, all police, immigration and customs officials and loaders will be awarded the nation’s highest gold medals on next Republic Day. We cannot forget their contribution to usher Nepal into a golden era of federalism and Marxism.

The bus mafia has now thankfully been allowed to ply unhindered because of prompt action by Minister Raghuvir Maha-Setting. Now that God-child Dhungel has been forgiven for manslaughter, is Shobhraj next for a presidential pardon? Nepal will soon be the first country in the world to decriminalise murder.

We can make Nepal greater again by renaming us Syndicated Demagogic Republic of Nepal (Italics, Underlined) and can only attain stability and prosperity if crooks are allowed to cheat other crooks without fear of arbitrary arrest or enforced disappearance, whichever comes first.

And to end this bulletin of news, here is the point you should not miss: Prime Minister Oli has announced that lapdogs who can’t use laptops will henceforth be sacked, and they cannot join other Nepalis in heaven in ten years time.  

The Ass


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