Catching up with the West

It has come to the notice of yours truly asinine that a lot of readers  out there these days are muttering behind your masks about how Nepal is going to hell in a handbasket. What’s so bad about going to hell? It can’t be worse than it already is here. I am also not sure if a handbasket is the best way to get to hell.

Looking around the world, and following twitter these days, it actually seems that we in Nepal are a bit half-hearted in trying to wreck this country. The question is: are we doing enough to take this glorious nation of ours from monarchy to anarchy and back?

Why aren’t we also wearing yak horns, storming Parliament, and purloining the lectern, as they do in advanced democracies? Why can’t our staunch civil society stalwarts also be uncivil like their American counterparts, and take a dump in the Upper House commode, and not flush?

The ugly truth is: America is way ahead of us in destroying itself. It is my humble submission that our Stalinists are just not trying hard enough to dismantle Nepal. This is not why we elected them.

While they hee-and-haw, twiddle their thumbs, and squat on their haunches, other nation states are forging ahead to wreck their democracy. We are falling further and further behind by only setting tyres on fire, and talking about scrapping the Constitution. It’s time to walk the talk.

We may be proud of the Airbus scandal that allowed some Nepali kleptocrats to have wide bodies, but that kickback pales in comparison to what one Malaysian, who shall remain unnamed, allegedly pocketed from the purchase of jets. Compared to the level of plunder in other countries, ours is laughable. All that our oligarchs can muster is to eat red rice together.

While presidents in other countries grab pussies and brag about it in public, Nepali politicians show a singular lack of leadership in that quarter. In fact, our democratic rulers under-perform in just about every sector, including the private sectors.

The farthest a minister here ever got was to grope fellow-paddy planters a few years ago. Nepal’s politicians can also learn from the pros about nepotism. The outgoing US president can teach our incoming prime minister a thing or two about family values.

To be sure, Nepal’s movers and shakers have a steep learning curve. The most disgusting things our officials have ever done is to spit behind the rostrum, or pick a nostril or two during a live Covid-19 press briefing.

So, to all of you who cannot stop complaining about how things have got from badder to worsest in Nepal these days, the Ass has only one message: if you don’t like it here, leave. Good bye. Wait, take me with you.

The Ass


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