Things are looking up

After watching Don’t Look Up on a bootleg channel this week, the Ass has come to the happy conclusion that compared to a direct hit with Planet Earth by a comet in the not too unforeseeable future, all our current travails in Nepal seem far away.

We worry about many things in Kathmandu: the tragic state of politics, the sewage flowing out of water taps, and the daily commute through Jadibuti Intersection. But in the cosmic scale of things, however, these are inconsequential. And that makes me feel much more upbeat about Nepal.

Even a global crisis like climate change pales into insignificance when we contemplate the impending impact with the planet of a heavenly body the size of Dasrath Rangashala.

In fact, if you believe in reincarnation like some of us do, then global warming will cease to be a worry since some of us may be reborn in a much cooler place next time round.

So, the choice is between sitting idly by waiting for the world to end either with a bang, or a whimper. Or, as a poet once put it so eloquently, whether the earth will end in fire, or ice.

Don’t know about you, but I would still rather work to reduce the impact of climate change so that the end is swift. For which we must:

1. Breathe sparingly. Every breath we take consumes precious atmospheric oxygen and gives off carbon dioxide, which is a greenhouse gas. Make every molecule count by being breathless.

2. The Himalaya will warm 0.7 degrees faster than the global average this year because of all the hot air generated during the party conventions. Nepal must immediately pledge to the UNFCCC a renewed Nationally Determined Contribution (NDC) to limit all political harangues to less than 5 minutes.

3. Organise tantric rituals and make animal sacrifices to appease the gods. Oh, wait, can’t do that. We’re secular.

4. Create an artificial shortage of petrol, diesel and LPG, but I notice that our hyperactive grabberment has already thought of that.

5. All sodas contain dissolved carbon dioxide, so at happy hour this evening, quaff your double whiskey neat.

6. Burping releases greenhouse gases so burp in moderation.

7. There are an estimated 32 million flatulent cattle in Nepal, and if all of them felt free to pass wind at will, our glaciers do not stand a chance. And we are not even counting yaks and water buffaloes here, and we all know how embarrassing those two can be in polite company. The Ass is willing to make any sacrifice necessary to reduce its carbon footprint.

Ass s