CPN (Asinine)

It doesn’t look like anyone is about to give Prime Minister Brave Lion a honeymoon period. The same folks who were baying for Oli’s blood are now sinking their fangs into the lion’s jugular. And it’s not even 100 days yet.

That is very unfair, give the man some time. He has been a prime monster five times before. He knows what he’s doing. He is in no hurry to expand the cabinet because the country seems to run just fine with only four ministers. The longer he can delay adding ministers, the less headaches he has, and the more money the country saves.

The Ass just did some back of the envelope calculations, and it seems Nepal’s exchequer has saved 1 Kharab 5 Arabs 31 Corrodes and 47.5 Lacks just in the past 6 weeks by not having to pay for a jumbo prawn size cabinet. We have salvaged on honorariums for all those new honorary ministers, salaries for their brothers-in-law to serve as PAs, on allowances for a Armed Police Farce platoon for every minister, SUVs, smartphones, Dasain bonuses.

These savings will add up to so much that they will wipe out Nepal’s burgeoning budget deficit. This is Prime Minister Dubya’s masterstroke to save the economy from collapse. It looks like we do not really need a budget debate in this prorogued parliament after all because we have no balance of payment deficit anymore for the opposition to bash the government about.

A skeleton cabinet also means there is less corruption. Imagine all the kickbacks not partaken of, the bribes uncollected, the commissions not handed over under the table. This means the treasury has healthy cash flow so we can send ex-prime ministers for health checkups to Delhi.

But now that the Unified Marxist-Leninists are not unified anymore, Brave Lion will have more mouths to feed in the new cabinet. That can easily be resolved, what is more worrying is what we are going to call all these new communist parties — they are splitting like amoebas in heat.

It used to be pretty straight forward in the old days, there was just one Communist Party of Nepal (CPN). But then there came the CPN (Mashal) and CPN (Masal) — yes, they were different parties. After that, there were the CPN (Marxist-Leninist) and CPN (Marxist-Leninist-Maoist) which merged with the others to form what we now know as the CPN (Unified Marxist-Leninist). The CPN (Maoists) got so sick of it all that they preferred to go underground and shoot everyone.

But now with Makunay registering the CPN (UML-Socialist) he has opened a pandora’s box. Does this mean that the other CPNs are not socialist? If so, what does this mean for dialectic materialism and the dictatorship of the proletariat?

And since the comrades seem to be suffering from ideological promiscuity, we have to make space for more communist parties in the days to come:

UML (Socialite)

CPN (Marxism-Leninism-Hinduism)

CPN (Maoist-Monarchist)

NCP (Big Plop)

CPN (Revolutionary)

CPN (Revolting)

CPN (Asinine)

The Ass